I'm bi but...

[unknownTEEN]

I'm a 13 year old girl and I've known for a while now that I've been attracted to both men and women, though men moreso than women, and I had felt completely comfortable telling myself and my closest friend that I was Bi. I hinted to my mom later in that same year that I may be Bi and she sounded hesitant at best and almost like she doubted that I knew what I was talking about. Granted I was pretty young and shouldn't have worried about this, it still hit pretty hard and I began to question myself all over again. I know I'm able to be attracted to women because of some dating fantasies I've had involving dating and kissing girls or that I sometimes get flustered around girls who I find very pretty just like I do around a guy I like.

I'm tired of feeling like I have to hide myself around my own friends, and family. My only issue is I go to a Catholic school, have friends who are Catholic, and have parents who are religious but still accepting to a certain degree. I'm afraid that once I come out to my school friends that they would shy away from me or just not talk to me altogether which would dwindle down that already small percentage of people who are my friends there. I want to stop hiding but I feel like if I come out to my loved ones I would cause more trouble than I would really want. I'm confused, anxious, and just really needing some help knowing what the smart move is here.

Please help

[Heather]

Welcome to our boards. The good news is, you have found at least one place you can be out as much as you want, be in plenty of good company and get support and acceptance.

Usually what we suggest in this kind of situation is to start by seeing if you can think of just one friend -- for now -- who you feel very confident would be very accepting and who wouldn't be weird about it. Can you think of one person that might fit that bill?

[unknownTEEN]

I have already told my closest friend and she's fine with it... but I would rather be completley out... I just don't think I can come out.

[Heather]

Can you explain to me what completely out means to you?

I ask that because most people won't ever be out to literally everyone they meet or know. Instead, most folks are selective to some degree to whom they are out and where (like work or home, for instance) they are out. And that tends to be based on safety, comfort, how much it even makes sense for anyone to be talking about their sex or love lives in a given setting and what feels right. For example, someone may be out with their close family members, but not extended family. Or with most friends, but not the few who they know will be jerks about it. Or out at one job, but not another.

Get what I mean?

So, what are you looking for here and what feels like what you need?

[unknownTEEN]

I don't think I'll be able to tell any of my grandparents or my father or my aunt's and uncles for that matter. And i don't think I'll be able to tell the majority ofy friends either. The only people I think I'll tell our my closest friends and my mother. For me completely out means all the close family knows and some of the closer but not closest friends.

[Heather]

Okay!

So, how do you feel about a gradual plan to do that over time? When people come out gradually, they build support gradually, too, so that as you tell more people, you also have more people who you are out to and who have your back. It also can tend to get easier as you gradually get more practice.

[unknownTEEN]

Ok I'll try that. Thank you for your support and help

[unknownTEEN]

I have managed to come out to two of my friends which is an improvement. Thank you

[Sam W]

That rocks (and you rock, too)! I'm glad we where able to help you out.