Scarleteen

The other night my boyfriend and I had sex, it had been about a year since I had sex with anyone and I know I wasn't that turned on at the time. But he went pretty deep it hurt at first but it got better but once we were done it started hurting again like a sore and I was bleeding profulesly. I went home took a shower went to bed I was still bleeding but not at much. It's been about a day and I still am a little sore but bleeding about the same amount as I would if I were on my period I'm asking if I shouldn't wait any longer and see a doctor

If the bleeding is slowing down, and the pain is also decreasing, you should be fine. However, if you would feel better seeing a doctor, you certainly can.

Do you need any help in talking to partners, and being more assertive and honest about what you need per being turned on, about asking for lubricant, about what does and doesn't feel good? Sounds like you didn't feel able to say or do any of that with your boyfriend, which obviously isn't great for you.

I never really thought about it that way and I think I do have trouble with talking about it I've had trouble with a partner about it in the past

What do you think that's about for you, then?

And what do you think might help make it -- asserting yourself and communicating with sex -- feel not just easier, but more like something you wanted to do?

I don't really know how to say it that I'm not turned on or that it hurts, I think it's because I'm embarrassed or intimidated and I should just stick through the pain and it'll get better.

So, you feel ashamed that you are not turned on at times you are not? Or times a partner wants you to be turned on? Or...?

And whichever it is, if this were about someone else, would you be cool about it with them? Or would you think they should feel ashamed?

I feel ashamed that I'm not turned on I guess at the times my partner wants me to be.

And if it was the i would want them to feel comfortable telling me how they feel in the moment and not like I'm forcing them.

Most people would want to know if a partner is uncomfortable or in pain or just plain not enjoying themselves. Has your boyfriend ever done or said anything that might suggest he wouldn't listen if you said you weren't comfortable?

No he has not. I think I don't bring it up because I don't want to ruin the moment I'm thinking more for his pleasures instead of mine which I know is wrong

Then it sounds like it might be helpful to think of it this way: you both deserve to feel pleasure during sex and, as mentioned above, you both would want to know if your partner was in pain. Given that, if sex were to be painful again, do you feel like you'd know what to say in the moment to ask for a pause (or a stop) in the action?