Scarleteen

I don't know what to do anymore, I'm not even sure if my lack of wanting to try to even do any work is justifiable. My grandmother is becoming increasingly more common with remarks like "I don't respect her, I only respect my mother. Because you give her more privilege than you do me." (Not things I wanted to give/do.) And other nasty remarks, I'm really starting to feel like I did something to deserve this. I'm considering just literally giving up on school.

You absolutely did not do anything to deserve this: no one deserves to be treated poorly. It can be difficult to stay motivated at school when there are other difficult things going on in your life, so what you're feeling is totally understandable.

What kind of support would you like from us around this?

Karyn wrote:You absolutely did not do anything to deserve this: no one deserves to be treated poorly. It can be difficult to stay motivated at school when there are other difficult things going on in your life, so what you're feeling is totally understandable.

What kind of support would you like from us around this?

Maybe trying to figure out how to get my grandmother to change her mindset, and motivational support.

We can certainly offer you some words of encouragement. One way to think about the situation is that, with school at least, giving up there will ultimately only bite you. It won't change her mind, and it will put you in a stressful position. It can also help to think of school as something you get to take pride in (even if you're not a straight A student), if that can help you stay motivated to not give up on it.

As for how to talk to her, there's no guarantee she'll change her mind. Does she change her mind about anything? And if she does, do you have a sense of what things cause that change?

Sam W wrote:We can certainly offer you some words of encouragement. One way to think about the situation is that, with school at least, giving up there will ultimately only bite you. It won't change her mind, and it will put you in a stressful position. It can also help to think of school as something you get to take pride in (even if you're not a straight A student), if that can help you stay motivated to not give up on it.

As for how to talk to her, there's no guarantee she'll change her mind. Does she change her mind about anything? And if she does, do you have a sense of what things cause that change?

Changing her mind, I have no idea anymore.

As for school, I'm actually an almost straight-A student (Mostly A's with a couple C's and B's.) But, I'm failing my Honors Algebra class, right now, and that's really not helping my optimism.

If changing her mind seems daunting, do you feel like there's merit in trying to let some of her misconceptions bounce off of you? That can be difficult, but there are a few things you could try.

If you're finding a specific class is hurting your optimism about getting through school, have you had a chance to talk to that teacher about the fact that you're struggling? While there are some exceptions, most teachers want to help their students if they're struggling with the class.

Sam W wrote:If changing her mind seems daunting, do you feel like there's merit in trying to let some of her misconceptions bounce off of you? That can be difficult, but there are a few things you could try.

If you're finding a specific class is hurting your optimism about getting through school, have you had a chance to talk to that teacher about the fact that you're struggling? While there are some exceptions, most teachers want to help their students if they're struggling with the class.

I guess letting her bounce misconceptions off me is worth a shot.

The reason mainly why the class is suffering is because of my anxiety and lack of motivation, and the fact it's too much to balance.

If you want to try that, you can try mentally adding "you think" after she says something that you know or feel us not true. That can help you remember that it is her misconception rather than a failure on your part.

Does your school have an academic counselor or someone similar who you could talk to about your options?

Sam W wrote:If you want to try that, you can try mentally adding "you think" after she says something that you know or feel us not true. That can help you remember that it is her misconception rather than a failure on your part.

Does your school have an academic counselor or someone similar who you could talk to about your options?

I pretty much just have to try to salvage the grade if I can for my class, and I never thought about adding "you think" to whatever my grandmother says.

It can certainly go a long way towards building up a shield to keep other people's beliefs from constantly poking at you.

Is there anything else we can help you with around this?

Sam W wrote:It can certainly go a long way towards building up a shield to keep other people's beliefs from constantly poking at you.

Is there anything else we can help you with around this?

Not that I know of.

Okay! If something comes up later, or you want to revisit this, we're here.

Sam W wrote:Okay! If something comes up later, or you want to revisit this, we're here.

Oh, so my grandmother flipped out over me not telling her that I was in a video for my sister's schoolwork. Although, it had just happened a weekend before, so I called her out that this was just ridiculous and that it wasn't a big deal. And, my aunt made a move and grabbed me and I pushed her off.

Was she trying to restrain you? And is this something your aunt does often?

Sam W wrote:Was she trying to restrain you? And is this something your aunt does often?

My aunt gets up in my face and tries to scare me, and I don't think she was trying to restrain me. (And, I certainly wasn't going to wait and find out with the threats she's made before.)

Doe she live with your grandmother? And when you say threats, what kind of threats have they been and how likely do you think it is she'd follow through on them (also, good job on getting yourself away from her).

Sam W wrote:Doe she live with your grandmother? And when you say threats, what kind of threats have they been and how likely do you think it is she'd follow through on them (also, good job on getting yourself away from her).

Yes, she lives with my grandmother. And she's threatened to beat me before, and clearly she's getting close.

Okay, so it sounds like your grandmother's house is even more of an unsafe place for you as long as your aunt is there. and like some safety planning may be in order. Have you told anyone besides us about what your aunt is doing?

Sam W wrote:Okay, so it sounds like your grandmother's house is even more of an unsafe place for you as long as your aunt is there. and like some safety planning may be in order. Have you told anyone besides us about what your aunt is doing?

Told a counselor.

That's an excellent first step. What did the counselor say or suggest?

Sam W wrote:That's an excellent first step. What did the counselor say or suggest?

I haven't got much of a reply and haven't got back to them that it actually happened. Not like it matters, law enforcement won't do anything unless I'm practically clinging to life. And, it seems CPS could care less.

If you can, I would follow up with them soon, so that they also know the behavior seems to be escalating. You mention CPS, have you had any direct contact with them?

If we haven't shown you this already, this is a safety planning tool that could be very useful to you right now:
The Scarleteen Safety Plan

Sam W wrote:If you can, I would follow up with them soon, so that they also know the behavior seems to be escalating. You mention CPS, have you had any direct contact with them?

If we haven't shown you this already, this is a safety planning tool that could be very useful to you right now:
The Scarleteen Safety Plan

I haven't made any direct contact with CPS, yet. But calls have been made by my counselor.

Okay, then I would definitely contact your counselor and tell them about what happened, and ask if they can make another report to CPS (FYI, CPS may not investigate after one instance, but the more times they're pinged about a certain case, the more likely they are to actually open a case file).

Are you somewhere safe right now?

Sam W wrote:Okay, then I would definitely contact your counselor and tell them about what happened, and ask if they can make another report to CPS (FYI, CPS may not investigate after one instance, but the more times they're pinged about a certain case, the more likely they are to actually open a case file).

Are you somewhere safe right now?

I'm at school, I'm seeing if a friend would let me crash at her place if it comes down to it.