I want to have relations w/ my boyfriend, but I'm scared? :/

[lexi945ish]

Hello everybody here's my story: Okay so I'm 20 years old and STILL a virgin >_>…. My bf (who is NOTa virgin) is 19, who will be turning 20 in 3 more months. Lately , I've been having these extremely strong urges of wanting to have sex, but to be quite honest I'm really nervous/scared to do it. My bf and I have been together for 3 months and already we have a deep/serious thing going on. We've been going out on dates and I stayed over his house 3xs in the past month and he is the FIRST guy I spent the night with. We love/care for each other with a great deal and everything in our relationship fits perfectly. We still live at home w/ our parents, but we go to school/and both have jobs. Anyways I've also been having dreams about us having sex, which adds on a lot frustration to my strong urges. We mess around a lot by doing foreplay and whatnot but I feel that i want more. My bf and I been planning on doing it in Oct, but he wants me to make sure if this is really what I want cause he doesn't want me to rush into anything that I might not like/enjoy and said we can wait for as long as we need to cause there's No rush. But these urges I keep having is driving me up the walls! But St the same time I'm nervous /scared about the consequences, cause sex holds A LOT of responsibility. Of course we'll be safe, by using condoms and getting EC pills but something keeps telling me otherwise. All my friends are No longer virgins and all of em said it was amazing but of course it hurts real bad at the beginning... which is one of the main things that I'm afraid of. I'm really scared that itll be really awful at 1st. My bf wants to as Well, but he really feels that it's my decision. My mind says idk, but my heart says I should give it a shot, but my body is craving for it... I seriously don't know what to do/or what I want for sure. Any advice? Thank you

[Heather]

One place you might start is by recognizing that if by sex, you mean intercourse,it would be hard to know that is what your body wants, as it were, if that is not something you have experienced. Can we physically crave a food we have never tasted or had any experience with? Probably not, and I would say the same goes here.

Really, how things feel with what you call foreplay - also known as other kinds of sex besides intercourse - is likely how they will feel, by and large, with intercourse, physically, but also possibly emotionally. Knowing that, does that help you at all to figure out what you are looking for with this other kind of sex, and if it is something that feels as urgent, despite your other reservations?

In other words, I hear you saying you don't feel sure. Since sex of any kind tends to feel a lot better, ohysically and emotionally, when we do feel sure, and however sexually satisfied you have been so far, you would probably be no more so adding intercourse, why not guve yourself the time you need to get to feeling much more certain? That can also mean more time to get a better sense of what your reservations are, so you can figure out what you need in order to feel differently thayou do right now.

Too, more time and thought might help you figure out what you are craving physically you are not getting so far with the other kinds of sex you have been engaging in. What is missing from what you are doing so far for you that leaves you still feeling like something is missing? Figuring that out is likely to make all of your sexual life more satisfying, including intercourse if and when you add it to what you are already doing together.

First intercourse, for the record, is not painful by design. It is not a given it will hurt someone like you seem to have the idea it is. When people experience pain, it is usually about things they are doung or not doing, like feeling nervous or scared, not using lubricant, having partners who are too hasty or being too hasty themselves, rather than by taking real time to get very turned on from other activities first, etc. So, there certainly are things people can do - but some just do not, or do not know what those things are - to make it very unlikely intercourse or any other kind of sex is painful.