Having sex at 13

[yummopollo]

Hi, I'm 13 and I was wondering was it wrong to have sex and did it count?
My boyfriend (15) and I have been together for 7 months and we have been increasing our sexual activity. When I gave him a blowjob I felt fine with it and was glad that I pleasured him and it wasn't a boundary. One afternoon when he came over, we had sex (penetration) but he never fully finished because we stopped because it hurt to much. I know I wasn't ready physically since I rushed and probably could have prevented it from hurting if I had waited to become more turned on. I know it was a mistake and don't know how to feel about it because I don't think I was ready mentally either. After it happened I was feeling depressed and din't know what to do. When I told him I don't think I was ready and he was worried that he had pressured me into it but in reality I'm the one that asked if he wanted too. I have told my best friends but I feel like I should tell an adult. I really want to tell my stepmom and get advice from her but I don't want her to be disappointed in me or angry or think I'm immature for making that decision. What should I do?

[Sam W]

Hi Yummopollo,

First of all, it was sound of you to recognize that some of the things you felt after penetrative sex were signalling to you that you aren't quite ready for that activity. That's a sign that you are actively thinking about the choices you make around sex, which is great. It wasn't wrong to have tried it, it just wasn't the right time for you, if that makes sense. I think you might find this article really helpful right now: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relat ... or_romance

When you say you feel like you should tell an adult, can I ask what makes you feel that? And with your stepmom, do you have any sense of what her opinions on having sex as a teenager are?

[yummopollo]

Well I I need advice from someone with experience because I don't know how to feel about it and I can't hold it in. I would probably tell my stepmom because I trust her alot. I don't know her opinion on it but if she was disappointed when I told her I don't think she would tell me and I want to know. But then again I don't want to take the risk if it could go the wrong way.

[Sam W]

Got it. If you trust and feel comfortable around your stepmom, it sounds like it's worth talking to her. Looking for an adult who you can process some of these feelings with and who you can ask for help and advice is a sound step to take. There is the chance that this could go wrong, as that chance exists with pretty much anything, but you know her far better than we do and if you think she'll be supportive during the talk, then I'd go for it.

Do you have a plan for how you'd like to approach her about this and what you want to say or ask?