Is My Social Anxiety Making Me Irrational?

[jackojacko2000]

Hi.

I'm a 16 year old filmmaker, and it seems like my upcoming short film will have adult actors in it who I don't know and/or aren't my friends. My social anxiety keeps telling me that they'll think of me less, treat me like a child, act unprofessionally and laugh at me and judge me because I'm 16 and my mom will be with me to drive me to the location and do make-up. Will this happen or is my anxiety making me ridiculous? I can't tell. I always avoid situations that involve adult actors because of this, I'm really starting to freak out because I don't want this happen BUT I also want to make films and not have irrational fear stop me creating want I want to create.

Thanks.

[Redskies]

Generally, any time we're avoiding something or very worried about something that we'd otherwise like to do or that would be helpful to do, that suggests that anxiety may well be in the mix. Are you currently seeing anyone to help you with your social anxiety? Someone with professional training and ability is probably best placed to help you untangle some of the thoughts like this that you have, and work with you to help you figure out some strategies to manage these kinds of thoughts and feelings so that your feelings don't hold you back in your life.

Has anyone treated you in the way you fear before, or done anything to make you think they'd behave like that? Or, has anyone told you that other people would behave this way?

[LandUnderWave]

Hi jackojacko. Congratulations on the fact that you're 16 and already getting so involved in, and working so hard on, filmmaking! It sounds like this is something you're really passionate about and dedicated to, which is so cool to hear about, and I wish you lots of success in your current and future endeavours as a filmmaker.

From my own involvement in the arts (mostly indie theatre rather than film), it has been my experience that good actors want to encourage more art and creativity and new voices in the world of the arts, and that includes supporting and collaborating with young talent. Because directing at 16 is a bit unusual, some actors might respond with surprise to your directing and might also not necessarily know how to behave with professionalism toward someone who is a bit younger than they are. But that doesn't mean they should, or will, make fun of you or be rude or mean to you. I think a lot of them will admire the guts it takes to be doing what you're doing now, and a lot of them will have had similar experiences as actors trying to make art from a young age and being nervous about how other people will perceive them. Particularly if they know in advance that they'll be working with a young director, it would be pretty disappointing if they were anything less than, well, mature adults about collaborating with you to make a film!

It is still ok to be nervous - even without social anxiety it can be scary to work with people more experienced in an industry than you are, and it is understandable to worry about the dynamic between you and the actors in that situation. If you wanted to, you could sort of get in front of your worries and try to actively create a solid collaborative atmosphere between you and the actors. You could say something like, "I know it might be a bit unusual to work with a director who is younger than you and more inexperienced than you. I feel really lucky and honoured that you've taken the time and effort to lend your experience and talent to my film, and am not just excited to work with you on this project but also to learn from you as we work together." It's always wise as a director to make your cast and crew feel valued and respected, and so often it can feel much more empowering to acknowledge "the elephant in the room" than to try to ignore it. I think after an introductory statement like that, one that shows confidence, humility, appreciation and maturity, any actor who made fun of you or didn't respect you due to your age would be a real jerk, and it would be pretty unlikely that they would do anything rude or mean.

Good luck, and have lots of fun making your film and getting even better as a filmmaker!

[Alice O]

Hi jackojacko,

For the most part landunderwave took the words out of my mouth, plus adding so many more wonderful things I wouldn't have thought to say. Thank you landunderwave for your response!

When situations arise for me that I *know* I want to do, but also make me feel anxious, I try to remember two things.
1. To remain curious. Curiosity is a great antidote for anxiety! So in this case, when you feel your mind heading in the "oh god, what if the actors judge me for being younger than them" direction try to re-focus on what you are curious about. For example, "I wonder, who these actors will be? I wonder, will they have been acting since they were kids or have gotten involved in adulthood? Will any of them have their own performance anxiety? Also, what types of films are their favorites?"
2. My mom always lovingly says, "Try to have some fun!" It reminds me to try to focus on the parts that I find exciting and fun, rather than giving the anxiety all of my attention.

I also want to second Redskies' counseling suggestion:

I have actually had an experience that is slightly similar to yours, when I was 18 I went to California to act in a short film and was very anxious about it so I asked my mom to come with me. I started counseling when I was 15 so I was already seeing someone by that point, and I found her support and advice invaluable as I prepared for this experience. Counselors have so much training in helping people who struggle with all types of anxiety, so I'd highly recommend it!