Scarleteen

Like I feel so pressured sometimes to fit into a very tight box of feminity, so much that I feel like I can't ever just feel right with a short feminine cut, if I want one, or with masculine-ish clothes. I feel like this is something that happens a lot with others, but I feel like it's unreasonable to be masculine at all when I identify as a girl.

I don't have any hard data on this but I think it's fairly common for there to be trans girls/women who are butch/tomboyish, or femme trans men - I certainly know a handful. But it's also really common for those people to feel a lot of doubt about either that identity or about going with that sort of presentation.

For someone who isn't often read as their proper gender by friends or strangers, it can be "easier" in that department to go for a presentation that's very in line with whatever traditional/standard presentation for that gender is in their area or culture. Or feeling like a butch trans woman might make someone doubt their own trans identity - or cause other people to cast doubt on it.
None of these things really do invalidate one's identity, but they can be complicating factors!

If it's helpful at all to have a personal story about this: I am a femme trans dude but didn't feel at all comfortable exploring a femme identity or presentation until well after people started to consistently read me as a man in public. In the first few years of my medical/social transition I skewed my presentation much more masculine than it's ever been before or since, because I worried that any ambiguous presentation cues would just make it harder for anyone to read me the way I wanted them to. It wasn't super comfortable but I kind of felt like I had no other choice. And I have known plenty of other femme trans men and butch trans women! It really doesn't invalidate your gender, or my gender, any more than it would for a cis person.

Mo wrote:I don't have any hard data on this but I think it's fairly common for there to be trans girls/women who are butch/tomboyish, or femme trans men - I certainly know a handful. But it's also really common for those people to feel a lot of doubt about either that identity or about going with that sort of presentation.

For someone who isn't often read as their proper gender by friends or strangers, it can be "easier" in that department to go for a presentation that's very in line with whatever traditional/standard presentation for that gender is in their area or culture. Or feeling like a butch trans woman might make someone doubt their own trans identity - or cause other people to cast doubt on it.
None of these things really do invalidate one's identity, but they can be complicating factors!

If it's helpful at all to have a personal story about this: I am a femme trans dude but didn't feel at all comfortable exploring a femme identity or presentation until well after people started to consistently read me as a man in public. In the first few years of my medical/social transition I skewed my presentation much more masculine than it's ever been before or since, because I worried that any ambiguous presentation cues would just make it harder for anyone to read me the way I wanted them to. It wasn't super comfortable but I kind of felt like I had no other choice. And I have known plenty of other femme trans men and butch trans women! It really doesn't invalidate your gender, or my gender, any more than it would for a cis person.

Thanks for sharing your story, it actually helps a lot. And I feel like I don't get read / pass as a girl as much in public, hence why I don't go out much... And, I never really liked going out much except when I was with people who I couldn't express how I felt around.