Scarleteen

Story time: there are three boys currently in my life that drive me nuts, though none of them hopefully know it.
The first boy, let's call him Demi, is an example of the worst and best kind of infatuation. He was in my Biology class last year and one day I looked up and, bam. He's been torturing a corner of my brain ever since. Demi is extremely intelligent, saucy, likes to talk politics, is very sarcastic, blunt, straightforward, and considered one of the popular guys. Not the frat boy popular but the smart kids that you know will end up getting into Ivy League popular. He is also very attractive and is way over my league. I used to write him anonymous letters for a few weeks before finding out that he already figured out who it was and I haven't talked to him properly since. I feel ashamed that I acted like that and have tried to get over him, but every time I see him I become incredibly nervous and flustered. I once had a very brief conversation with him and had enough happiness to last me several days. It's not healthy, but I can't stop feeling this way around him.
The second boy, Zon, is someone I've known since elementary school. He had a crush on me in seventh grade and I vaguely remember immaturely blowing him off. He's also very smart, a huge Doctor Who fan, acts like a little kid, tech guy, nerdy, jokes around a lot, and is really fun to be around. What I feel for Zon is complicated to describe. It's a mixture of really good friends, sibling playfulness, and a small little crush on my part. I really do care about him. I care if he gets hurt or if someone tries to talk bad about him behind his back. I always try to support him whenever I can and I feel lonely when he's not at school. To complicate things even more, he recently started dating a girl a grade above him who I strongly dislike. She is a bad girl type of person, the one who's always sassy and flirty and does drugs, but she's very smart too. But I've been feeling really jealous of them both. Friend jealous or crush jealous? It feels like a little bit of both, but the emotional indecisiveness is killing me. I told him that I had a crush on him last year and was now over him, but it isn't that easy.
And for the cherry on top, the third boy, call him Nox, is the guy I'm currently dating. I like him as well, though I've only developed a crush on him a few months ago and even then I hadn't had the proper time to really get comfortable with him before he said he had a crush on me on Valentine's Day and boom. Relationship. He is also a tech guy and best friends with Zon. He's the typical nice guy. Not that smart, but incredibly sweet and caring and shy. I really do care about him as well, but the more I get to know him, the more I feel like a close friendship would suit us better. Three reasons I'm staying is because I want to give it a chance, I have suspicions that the girl Zon is dating is purposefully trying to make me jealous of her and Zon because she could tell I had a crush on him and now leaves me alone for the most part, and I don't want to break his heart.
So three guys. One's an unhealthy infatuation, one is a long-time friend crush, and one is the person I'm dating that I feel like I just want to be friends with.

It sounds as if you're in a challenging emotional situation with regards to the first two boys, but the best path forward might be clearer with the last one. You don't have nearly as many positive things to say about him as you do about the other two guys you mention (not that you're being negative - it's just that the contrast might be revealing), and you feel like you'd rather be friends with him than dating him. It's worth considering that even if the other two boys weren't in the picture, that would still be an important feeling to listen to; I wonder whether the presence of those other boys in your life is clouding your clarity about that. The decision to stay with him or break up with him is one you'll need to make independently of how you feel about the others, since there are no guarantees about how your relationships with them may play out in the future but you already seem relatively clear about how you feel about your current boyfriend. What do you think?

I do agree with you, but the problem is we just started dating, and he is very into the relationship unlike me. Is it really okay to break it off so soon or should I wait a couple of months? How would I even start the "I feel like we're just friends" conversation?

Hi EndorPlanet,

LandUnderWave says some very solid things here, and I'd tend to agree with her.

If what you want is to end the romantic relationship, it is definitely, definitely okay to end it. No matter how long or how short a time you've been in it! None of us ever owe someone else a particular length of relationship. If you decide you want to end it, I'd actually suggest not waiting weeks or months to end it: breaking it off later won't be any easier than it is now, and hanging on when you know you're done is very likely to cause the both of you extra hurt.

The early weeks and months of dating someone is mostly about both people getting to know each other better, and figuring out if a romantic relationship suits them both. Sometimes one person will feel like it's not for them, while the other will be really into it. That's a tough situation for both people! But it's also pretty common; it's just how these things go sometimes, and you're not doing anything wrong.

It's possible that he might feel very hurt. But even so, if you're not feeling romantically about him, you can't magically make your feelings different. None of us can do that! Too, your feelings matter: none of us are required to be in a relationship with someone in order to make them happy.

Should I Stay or Should I Go? has some helps for thinking about whether to end a relationship, and then lots of advice about how to do a break-up in a clear and kind way, and how to take care of yourself.
Too, How Can I Break Up Without Hurting My Boyfriend's Feelings and Ending Our Friendship? has a lot of advice that you might find very helpful.