Dating someone older

[Lilly000]

Hi I am 17 years old and currently talking to someone who is 27. He's from Paris and we're both going to be in the same country for a few months. So far we get along really well and he is extremely kind and respectful. We are not dating yet but I know it could be a possibility. And the relationship would only last a few months until I return back home from studying abroad. But I wonder is it okay to date if there is a 10 year age gap? He is okay with it and I think I would be too I would just like someone else's opinion. Thanks.

[Sam W]

Hi Lilly,

There is nothing inherently wrong with a large age gap in a relationship, but when one of you is not out of their teenage years yet and the other is almost in his thirties, that's a red flag. It's great that he's nice and respectful to you, but when a 27 year old is pursuing a 17 year old that raises some concerns. You can read what those concerns are here: Why I Deeply Dislike Your Older Boyfriend

You'd also need to keep in mind any age of consent laws, as those could also be a factor that would make this not a good idea.

[Jacob]

Hey Lilly!

I think online can be a good space to experiment, speak to people you usually wouldn't. It can be pretty great to interract with people of different ages too. It sounds like you have had some of the benefits of that kind of interraction! I have to also be honest and say from my experience my gut reaction to your situation in terms of dating is "That does not sound good".

Someone 17 dating someone who is 27 does ring alarm bells. It's not so much about whether it's socially/ethically okay or not, it's more about if it sounds like a wise choice.

That age difference, particularly with you at 17, introduces a lot of imbalances that are not all about maturity. Socially, legally, economically and in terms of experience, that is a lot of power to yield. He really should mind about all that if he did care about you and your ability to advocate for yourself in an equal relationship.

You also wrote in your other post about feeling mature for your age. Society often does a really bad job respecting the intelligence of young people. Stuff just gets really patronising. For fear of doing the same thing I'll just say that that is a problem. Is that something you're feeling a lot?