Self induced pressure

[Hiker]

Hi!
Thank you for your important and very well needed work.
I am 34 but find your website very useful. I understand if you cannot get back to me as I probably am older than your target group.

I have a sexual problem. I am in my first relationship and we have been together for almost two years. My partner is a very good person. But the fact that sex is something that has to be in the relationship for him to commit in the long term is making me feel completely pressured and unable to relax or connect with my own sexuality. It has been like this for one and a half years.he has really suffered and so have I. We like each other and respect each other and he never pushes me or anything. He has frustration outbursts days later after being rejected about not really being in a situation where he feels well. It is not that he just wants the physical sensation, it is on some emotional level for him and appearantly it is painful for him to hang out with me and not be that close to me. I can't help but take his suffering very seriously and I automatically tell myself that I should feel this and that. I don't have sex with him because I feel emotionally messed up. I am confused and don't know what I want so I don't know what to tell him either. I know that I don't want him to leave me and he does not want to leave me either. Do you have any advice? This pressure is horrible to feel, I feel it constantly on my chest even when I am not with him.
Thank you and best regards

[Heather]

Do you *want* a sexual relationship, period, and if so, do you want one with him?

Also, is this about him committing to you in any capacity (like as your friend), or only as a romantic and sexual partner?

Do you two see each other as only able to be in each other's lives as sexual or romantic partners? In other words, if he wants a sexual partner and you don't, does that have to mean you part ways? Could it not mean you shift to being in each other's lives as friends instead?