The Venting Room: Tell Adults to Stuff It

[Heather]

One of our most popular (no shocker there!) posts from the old boards, here: http://www.scarleteen.com/cgi-bin/forum ... 01283.html

I sometimes worry about y'all because I often see you feeling the effects of ageism in our world: feeling like you're not as personally powerful (I mean on the inside, not what crumbs of agency you're allowed to have in the world) as I know you to be, in part because adults don't pay you the respect you deserve and...well, you don't demand it as much as I feel you should/could. I even have lovely dreams sometimes of all of you scaring the crap out of adults, not because of threats of violence or because you have guns in your hands, but because you're just that assertive, that much a force of nature and as intimidating as the agents of change young people can be and have been in generations past.

SO...

...this is a safe space to tell those of us over the age of 30 to just plain shove it. To tell us what you have to offer the world that we don't. To intimidate the hell out of us. In other words -- within some semblance of the bounds of not engaging in other kinds of -isms yourself, since Scarleteen still does need to be a safe space for anyone reading, so things like threats of violence would not be cool -- this is a thread where you can just plain go off on the lot of us, vent your frustration, even get a little ugly if you need to. There are a lot of spaces where it isn't safe for you to do that, but you may need to do it anyway, so I want to help give you some practice feeling your might in a space where I promise, nothing will be held against you and you won't get into trouble for it.

[tealcoati]

Thanks for this topic. c:

To my aunt, who won't listen to a dang word I say simply because she's older than me:
You weren't involved in my early life much and I understand why. You have a job with an odd, constantly-changing schedule and so you don't get much time off or much sleep. That's naturally going to make things difficult when it comes to visiting your niece.
But just because you've been back in my life for just a few months, that does not mean that you know me. At all. And don't you DARE act like my mom is the one who doesn't get me.
On the other hand, I've learned a lot of things about you in this time. I've learned that you're sexist, homophobic, transphobic, and bigoted against anybody who doesn't conform to your "normal". No, there's nothing wrong about a man wearing a scarf, and that doesn't mean he's "gay" or "wants to be a woman", which you seem to think are bad things to begin with. Yes, people can get tattoos and piercings without "trying to tell people there's something wrong with them and to stay away", and quite frankly I have no idea how you even came to that conclusion. Yes, it's fine for your male coworker to have a Little Mermaid coffee mug. And when I opened up to you about that wonderful time I saw the ghost of my first dog, OF COURSE I was upset when you told me "that was just a demon trying to trick you."
Naturally, I didn't want to have a serious talk with you the other day, but it's not like you gave me a choice. Nope, I was at your house, and that means it's lecture time. You tried to convince me of some absolutely ridiculous nonsense and it's a miracle I didn't bust out laughing at you right then and there. I almost did, in case you were wondering why I cracked a smile from time to time.
First of all, I may be fifteen, but I am not sheltered. I know the world can be a terrifyingly, disgustingly horrible place, but I also know it can be an amazing, hopeful, and loving place, and I will continue my dream of it becoming like that for everyone some day. I won't give up. We've made so much progress since our humble beginnings, and by god we've had our setbacks, but things have already gotten better since I was young.
All men aren't jerks, and I'm not naïve for not believing you on that. I know some people are, don't get me wrong. This may come as a shock to you, since you seem to think I "see everything as colors and butterflies, when they're all actually rats", but I actually do keep my guard up around most strangers. I don't like to, but there are too many horror stories for me to be able not to. However, I'm not going to go into "full prosecutor mode" every time I have to talk to a guy, examining and picking apart every word he says for any double meaning like you told me to. That's crazy. Can't I just have conversations with them, like they're, you know, normal people?
Also, what the heck do you mean "society is training men not to be the providers, and to rely on women to do the work"? There is NOTHING wrong with men who stay at home or women who work, and no, men shouldn't be required to be the providers. Have you ever considered that I might want to provide, too? Oh, that's right, you have, but you think I'll grow out of it, because "wives are supposed to submit to their husbands".
Have fun finding out that I'm not interested in getting married anyway, just living together will be enough for me. And when I do live with others, decisions will be made equally and discussed civilly.
Also, do you even realize how ridiculous you sound when you try to tell me that "All men will climb the highest mountains, swim the deepest rivers, fight off all the lions, just to sleep with you ONCE, and then they won't cross the street to sleep with you twice"? Just...what? I don't think anyone's that desperate for a one-night stand, Auntie. And if they were, I don't think they wouldn't cross the street for sex again, just saying.
And stop calling me "innocent". You act like I don't know what sex is and how it works. Sorry, not sorry, but between my open-minded mom and sex ed sites like this one, I'm pretty dang sure I've got most myths in my mind busted by now. Also, though this may shatter your image of me as some sweet, innocent little princess angel, I like to think about sex a lot. Yeah, I'm shy and I blush easily, but there's a reason I told you my favorite saying is "It's always the quiet ones".
Stop putting down my mom behind her back. You say I'm "just like you", but when have I agreed with ANY of the nonsense you've tried to teach me? I'm well past my impressionable stage, Auntie, I'm not going to trust everything you say because you said it. I'm a lot like my mom, actually. We share the same personality type, the same views, and the same interests. She's never sheltered me. She's always been open with me. She's taught me well.
And while I've luckily never had an in-depth discussion with you on this, it's clear that you don't think well of polyamory. I mention the concept of having more than one romantic partner and them having the same in passing, as a joke, and suddenly you're raving to me about "not settling" and "being used". Actually, I'd define monogamy as settling for me, as I know I'm fully capable of loving more than one person equally, and would actually be happy for any future partners if they had found other partners. It doesn't mean it's not a real relationship, or that I'd be being taken advantage of, thanks. I know what I want.
Multiple times during this talk we had, you told me I you wanted me to come to you for advice or answers on anything. No. I will NEVER go to you for anything of the sort, and this conversation only cemented that decision. You're a bigot. You're condescending, and don't treat my opinions as valid because I'm young and inexperienced. You don't know me as well as you think you do, so don't act like you know me. Don't act like you know me better than my friends and family do. Don't act like you know me better than I do.

[TheNiteHawk]

To my mother and father:

I'm not sorry with who I am. I'm pro-equal rights, even the LGBTQ crowd you don't approve of. Why? Because I'm not a bigot. Because I accept people for who they are. Male, Female, Trans, Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Questioning, etc. People are people, we're all human. We hurt, we bleed, we laugh, we smile. And we deserve the same love and respect as everyone else. But I haven't told you that, because it's for the best.

I'm an Atheist, and you both know that. You're not happy about it, though. I don't give a damn. I'm proud of who I am. I'm proud of thinking for myself and choosing my own path in life. Every nite at dinner when you pray Dad, you pray for me. I know you think you're helping me, but you're not. You just make me feel more excluded.

You, Mom and Sarah (my sister) are all Christians, you all listen to Christian music. And you know what? The reason I don't like it, Mom, it not because of the content, but I simply don't like the tempo and style. I can appreciate all those religious paintings in museums simply as works of art. And Dad, your comment that I'm "getting worse" (in what way!?) just because I listen to Heavy Metal now was uncalled for and unnecessary. I got a book "God is not Great" by Christopher Hitchens from the library and I had to read it at nite in secret and hide it during the day. And Dad, you walked in on me as I was about to watch a speech about some sort of Secular conference and got pissed off, "You've gone overboard with all this Secular stuff", you said. I have? When else have you seen me in the internet looking at "Secular stuff"? Never, as far as I remember. But you get letters and magazines in the mail from "Focus on the Family" and church groups and ministries and do I tell you "You've gone overboard with all this Christian stuff"? No I don't, you filthy hypocrite. And Mom, my keychain that I replaced (originally it was a metal oval that said "Never drive faster than your Guardian angel can fly."), that now is a metal tag about 1 1/4 inches in diameter that I used a label maker to print "ATHEIST" on each side, that is not, as you told me, "Why do you have to advertise it?" Advertise it? How about that bumper magnet that used to be on the van that said "KEEP CHRIST IN CHRISTMAS", that is advertising. A keychain that almost noone sees and you have to look closely to even make out the words is not advertising.

And Dad, please go to the dictionary and look up the difference between "Atheist" and "Antitheist". Despite you hounding me "why are you so anti?" I'm not. As an Atheist, I merely disbelieve in god(s). That's it. You want to go to church and pray or whatnot, fine by me. But I don't want any religion interfering in Politics or people's personal lives, especially my own.

You screamed at me in the car "why isn't there a pastor" at HS Graduations anymore? It's very simple, as I tried to calmly tell you, it's about equality. If there was a Pastor, they're have to be a Priest, a Rabbi, a Imam, and whatnot else to fit everyone's varied beliefs. But for everyone, a nonreligious speaker would do. They would include everyone without excluding everyone. It's that simple.

The Secular Student Alliance is offering free memberships for students. I want to join, but I'm worried about what might happen if a letter from the SSA comes in the mail to me.

Starting today, no longer am I going to use Chrome's "Incognito" mode to visit Atheist websites.

I got the most piss-poor sexual education from you, especially Dad. You told me that "that the only person I've ever had sex with was your mother." Good for you. Both of you when sex is brought up, use fear-based examples of STDs/STIs and pregnancy. So, I've taken it upon myself to learn how to protect myself, as well as various other aspects of sexuality. I haven't needed it yet, but when I do, I know how to take care of myself.

Proud of myself, proud of the LGBTQ community, proud of homosexuals and heterosexuals alike. Because, deep down, no matter who we love, we're still people.

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End rant.