Scarleteen

Don't want sex, to be in a sexual relationship or to have sex in a romantic relationship?

Then don't. You don't have to: sex and sexual relationships are supposed to be optional. For everyone -- of every age or time of life, gender, orientation, economic class, and in any kind of relationship -- always.

When sex isn't something you want or doesn't feel right, in general, in a specific situation, or at a certain time, you get to opt out. Being part of sex you don't want or that doesn't feel right for you tends to result in unhealthy, dysfunctional or just-plain-old-crummy relationships, a sexual life you probably won't feel good about or enjoy, and feeling in conflict or out-of-touch with yourself. A big part of being at peace with and enjoying our sexualities and sexual lives is making choices that feel in the best alignment with our wants and needs, our own ethics and values, things we want to explore and our boundaries, limits or limitations. So, when it's not what we want, no or "not now" is not only something we can say, it's usually the best thing to say.

It is always okay for anyone to choose not to engage in sex, or to not want to be sexual. It's always okay to opt out of entering or staying in a sexual relationship when you do not want or feel ready for one, or to opt out of any given sexual experience or opportunity.

It's a valid choice for people to want to engage in sex or to want a sexual relationship and to pursue either or both. It's a valid choice not to want one or both of those things, or to want them in some respect -- maybe even every respect -- but to choose to opt out. Truly consensual, emotionally safe sex and sexual relationships are about people having real choices, including a no always being as acceptable as a yes. If "no" is not a real option, that means sex isn't a real choice. The yes of someone who can't say no, after all, isn't particularly meaningful.