Peer pressure advice

[Angeldelight123]

Hi there,
I'm not sure if this is the place to ask this but any help would be great!

Yesterday was the last day of school ever and my whole class (about 50 so of us) went out to some woodlands near my school to obviously celebrate and drink and whatnot.
Now, the thing is I do drink occasionally in moderation but in general I do not like alcohol, it doesn't appeal to me as it does to other teenagers. Yesterday I was a bit more than tipsy...I was peer pressured to try a cigarette I really do regret it because I have never ever touched anything like drugs or smoking in my life and I really wasn't planning to but I completely messed up. Now I'm really really anxious incase my parents or my boyfriend finds out because they will be so so angry at me, it was only a couple of hits not a full cigarette and I am definitely not going to do it again.
I'm anxious incase I've caused myself health risks or such!

Can someone please help me get over this stupid mistake and move on from it? I feel so horrible in myself and I really wish it didn't happen.

[Redskies]

I'm sorry that you've had this experience and that you're feeling crummy. Feeling pressured into something is a rotten experience.

The best advice I can give you actually doesn't involve being able to "get over" it today. You're having some strong feelings about this, and when we're having strong feelings, those feelings are telling us something. It's important to be able to acknowledge the feelings. It's a little like, if you had a big crack all down your house wall: you could immediately wallpaper over it and that seems like it makes the problem go away; but it'd be a better idea to check out the crack and see what would be best to do about it. For example, it might be good to plaster the crack first and leave it to dry, and then wallpaper; or, you might decide it'd be wise to check with a structural engineer.

This is still less than 24 hours, so it's unsurprising that you're still having some rough feelings. It's usually deeply unsettling to feel pressured into something, and on top of that it's sounding like you're having feelings of regret about something you did. Both of those are a big recipe for challenging feelings.

A situation like this, as unpleasant as it is, is also a part of learning about our own self, our own boundaries, and what really matters to us. Sometimes when we explore the limits of our own chosen boundaries, we discover something new and expand our horizons; and sometimes we find out exactly why we had that boundary and that it matters to us more than we'd realised. All of that is good knowledge to have about our own self, and helps us build our own best life - even if it was very painfully-won at the time.

When you say that your parents and your boyfriend would be "so so angry" at you, could you tell us what that angry response would look like? Is it something you've experienced before?

There are a few ways - analogous to the crack-in-the-wall - that we might be able to help, depending on what you think you need. First, if you're really struggling with your feelings, it's probably time for you to do some real big self-care, at least until you start feeling like things are manageable again. When you're feeling able to manage, would you like any guidance for things like how to recognise when someone's pressuring you, or how to hold your boundaries with people, or things you can try to get away or get safer in an unsafe or pressure-y situation?