Scarleteen

So I'm not technically a "teen" anymore, sophomore in college, but I've found great information on this website and thought you could maybe give me some advice. So up until I was about 15 or so I was pretty sure I was straight (I'm a woman). Like, I had no sexual feelings for other women or even thought about them as possible romantic relationships. But I was also more unaware that various sexualities existed until about middle school. Anyway, during my teen years I started to question my sexuality. It all started with a picture of one of my friends. She looked so gorgeous in the picture and I just kept staring at it thinking how beautiful she was. I even kept it on my laptop briefly before getting rid of it cause it felt kinda stalkerish! So I started to worry that I was gay - and I'm not homophobic, but I knew I was sexually attracted to males and was just afraid that my attraction would "go away" somehow. Well, I'm over that now, worrying about not being attracted to males, but now I'm starting to wonder if I'm maybe bisexual. The thing is, I don't feel sexual attraction to women; I don't think about them the way I think of men. I never think of being in a relationship with a woman, having sex with a woman, etc. I just don't think I would personally enjoy sex with another woman, though I've never been in a relationship or had sex with anyone else so I suppose I still don't know. But every now and then I will see a gorgeous woman and I'm not ashamed to say that she's hot, and I get that straight people can notice another person of the same sex being attractive. And I wouldn't mind kissing another woman if I was given the chance, I don't think. Sometimes I wonder what it's like kissing someone and I wouldn't mind if itvwas from a man or a woman. And I've always liked the idea of bisexuality and never got biphobia, like isn't it cool to be able to be attracted to more than one gender? So is this just normal non-sexual attraction to women? Is it romantic attraction? Is it sexual attraction? Am I just I curious? I know sexuality is personal and on a spectrum, and you don't have to label yourself, but I'm confused every now and then and was wondering if anyone else had some insight or felt similar feelings.

Hey thewrit3r,

Welcome to the boards! Happy to hear you found some helpful information on the site

As you have first-hand experienced--sexuality is complicated! As a society we have certain sexuality categories that are common at any given time, for example: heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, asexual etc. But not everyone fits comfortably into one of those categories, and even within those categories there is lots of nuance and complexity. And that is ok! Better than ok, even. Also, sexualities often change throughout our lifetime. Just like you explained how your understanding of your sexuality has evolved since you were a teenager. In case you haven't come upon this one yet--this is a great article that talks more about sexuality: Sexuality: WTF Is It, Anyway?

To specifically respond about bisexuality--there is a common misconception that being bisexual entails being attracted to/interested in men and women in the exact same way. But it is completely normal to have your attraction to/interest in men differ from the way you are attracted to/interested in women. Does that make sense?

In terms of what exactly it is that you are feeling--non-sexual attraction or sexual attraction or romantic attraction--only you will be able to answer that. But it's okay if you can't answer that right now! You can keep exploring the feelings, and remain curious.

Since you asked about people with similar feelings, I will share that while I identify as heterosexual, I have wondered about my attraction to women. Despite feeling sexually attracted to women, I don't actually have the desire to have sex with or date women. I used to feel confused about this and feel anxiety about not being able to pin down my sexuality, but now I embrace that it is complicated and will continue to evolve

Thanks for responding! I know my post was super long!

I've heard some people who are bisexual say that they have preferences for certain genders, but I don't feel like it's that. I don't feel the same way towards men as I do to women, it feels like a different attraction (like aesthic). But I do wholeheartedly agree that sexuality is fluid, and sometimes I just accept that I am who I am, and my sexuality is just one aspect of my personality but at the end of the day it doesn't matter that much. I still mostly identify as straight, but I like what you said at the end, that sexuality is complicated and it's actually kind of cool exploring what attracts you if it changes over time

By the way, this is a great website! I really wished I found it when I was a teen, but the information on her really is great for anyone

Glad some of what I wrote resonated for you Cheers to the process of exploring and embracing our complex sexualities!

Hi again,

I can’t believe I’m going back to this, but here I am haha. I’ve been thinking a lot about my sexuality because I feel like it keeps changing! There’s a large part of me that feels like I’m a “fake” bisexual - that I want to be bisexual because it opens my dating pool, but I don’t want to do that. I mean I’ve always thought bisexuality was cool but am I like glamorizing it? I am what I am and I want to be happy with it.

But then there’s this other part of me that’s afraid to admit I’m bisexual - like I just feel like it’s “wrong” to admit it. Like I’m not bisexual, how could I be if I didn’t even considering liking girls until a few years ago? A lot of people say they know they’re gay when they’re young but I was so sure I was straight. Yet straight feels “narrowed”. Like I want to say yeah I am straight but I’m open to sexual experiences with other genders too. It’s so weird. Like isn’t that bisexual? But it’s not like I even desire to be with women per say but if the opportunity were to come up I think I would consider it. Does that make me bicurious?

I wish I could stop worrying about this :/ I think part of the reason is that I don’t feel like I really have anyone in my close circle to ask.