Scarleteen

Hi,

I really enjoy sex, but afterwards (like the day after or so) I feel really guilty with myself. This is because sex makes me anxious sometimes whether it's pregnancy fears or something else (I'm on the pill and use condoms).
any time I get my usual period I vow to myself that I'm going to step back from sex, then I always end up doing the deed again because I don't want to disappoint my boyfriend and that's then the guilt kicks in and I find myself stuck in a rut.
I feel like I'm letting myself down and have such little willpower. I have spoken to my boyfriend about this and we are going to cut back from sex, so is there anything I can do that can help us both stick to our word?

Hey Angeldelight123. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so crummy around this. I have a few articles to start you off that I think might help, and you can let me know if there was anything in any of them that really resonated with you or that you'd like to talk more about:
When Sex "Just Happened" (And How to Make It Happen Instead)
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
Undoing Sexual Shame
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

Something that particularly stuck out to me was that you mentioned having sex because you don't want to disappoint your boyfriend. But do YOU want to have the sex you're having, for YOURSELF?

Thank you for the reply!

I just really want to enjoy sex without the horrible feeling afterwards. It almost feels as if sex is so wrong and I'll be punished for it?

I think it's because I've been going through the same vicious cycle for a while Ive developed a negative effect against it? I just wish I had a way to stop feeling guilty with myself for wanting to have sex despite also wanting to cut back.
I hope that makes sense.

Also, I read a bit of the "undoing sexual shame" article and there's a lot of steps to take, and I'm not sure when to where to start :/

I feel strongly that it stems from pregnancy fears despite using a combination of condoms and the pill.

With the "undoing sexual shame" article, focusing on step two and step three right now sounds like it's the best fit for you. That means doing some soul-searching to figure out where some of those feelings of guilt originated, like with your family or your religion. It also means stepping back from sex for a bit while you work those origins out, so that you're not continuing to do something that makes you feel guilty. You mention you engage in it after swearing you won't because you don't want to disappoint your boyfriend? Is that something he's voiced to you? As in, does he get mad or upset with you when you say no? Or is it something you two haven't explicitly discussed?