Scarleteen

been dating my girlfriend for about 5 years both in our twenties and am starting to want to see if we could do stuff. we kiss and cuddle but havent done anything sexual and kinda afraid to ask parents if its ok to start having sex or bring up the topic of sex and doing more things live in a christian home im one too want to ask if its ok to start having sex or be able to do more things with her but im afraid they will get mad or upset and lecture me about pre marital sex and neither me nor my girlfriend drive.

Hi jurassicwars,

Ultimately, the only people who best equipped to decide if they want to start having sex are you and your girlfriend. You can factor in all sorts of things, from your own religious beliefs to how prepared you feel to deal with any negative fall-out from having sex. But it sounds like you already have a good sense of how your parents will react and that it will not end well, so talking to them about it may not be the best choice right now. If it helps, most people (regardless of religious background) do not ask their parents for permission to have sex. You and your girlfriend are also legal adults, and there are very few adults who ask their parents for permission to have sex (they may ask them for advice or help if issues arise, but that's a little different). This may feel like a weird thing to consider, since you say you've been raised to want to ask their permission for everything, but you could also see it as a pretty normal part of becoming an adult. Does that all make sense?

I think you may also find these two articles helpful right now: Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
You Don't Need Your Mom's Permission to Have Sex.

yes that makes sense to me thanks for the advice

You're welcome!