Scarleteen

So I recently met an amazing girl and we really connect and get along have heaps in common etc. And I really like her.

Im 16 and potentially I could pursue a relationship with her.

I'm just wondering has anyone here been in a relationship with someone in their twenties while you've been a teen but over the age of consent?

Hi, The_Alpha!

We've got a really great article about relationships with age gaps here, if you want to check it out: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/polit ... do_with_it

The one thing that always occurs to me in these kinds of relationships is that a lot changes between the ages of 16 and 20. I mean, for one thing, you are (presumably) still in school, and she might be in a position where she's working or at university - which puts you two at very different stages in your lives. She's also likely to have a lot of life experiences that you don't, and these are going to influence her expectations in a relationship, which you might not be in a position to fulfil.

Now, I don't mean to rain all over your potential relationship parade - there are ways in which age-disparate relationships can work, and those are outlined in the article I linked you above.

To answer your question more directly - yes, I have been in a relationship with someone in his twenties while I was in my mid-teens, and it was not a good relationship. He was too embarrassed to tell his friends about me, he often forgot that I wasn't going to be as mature as him, and there was a difficult power imbalance between the fact that he had independence and a job and money, whereas I was still a student living at home. And these are difficulties that any age-disparate relationship can have.

Do I think they're all doomed? Of course not. But I do think they need to be approached with caution.

Does that answer help with what you were looking for, at all?

Sort of, the maturity thing I can get. I'm mature for my age so I doubt that would be a problem but I'll leave that to be seen.

Life wise she doesn't go to uni and is between jobs but I get what you mean and I am in school albeit the butt end.

Thanks for the kindly advice I'll keep it in mind

Ruth wrote:Hi, The_Alpha!

We've got a really great article about relationships with age gaps here, if you want to check it out

I also commented above but need to add something.

That piece is from what I can see aimed at a girl and doesn't really address the same things a guy such as myself may come across and while a lot of it does make sense I don't feel any of it is familiar or applies to me.

Can I ask what it is you feel doesn't apply? I appreciate that the opening paragraphs contain statistics about relationships between younger women and older men, but other than that the article seems pretty gender neutral to me.

Ruth wrote:Can I ask what it is you feel doesn't apply? I appreciate that the opening paragraphs contain statistics about relationships between younger women and older men, but other than that the article seems pretty gender neutral to me.

"ETR Associates also reminds us, via more data from AGI, that a substantial percentage of younger teens who have had sex have been forced. "Some 74% of ----->women<----- who had intercourse before age 14 and 60% of those who had sex before age 15 report having had sex involuntarily," as do 40% of those who had sex by 15, and 25% by 16 also reported, the Guttmacher Institute said. "Sex among young adolescents is often involuntary; it frequently involves a man who is substantially older than the ----->woman<-----, which may make it hard for the young ----->woman<----- to resist his approaches"

Besides this it doesn't attempt to approach my kind of position, no mention for young men in relationships with older women. I can't gain anything from it that's special to my position while young women could learn heaps about the way they are interacting and feeling about the person that are mostly exclusive to a relationship between a young woman and an older man.

In this way It is gender biased.

I think what Ruth was pointing out is that the rest of the article doesn't include any genders at all. Do you also feel like that part only applies to relationships where the female is younger?

Kaizen wrote:I think what Ruth was pointing out is that the rest of the article doesn't include any genders at all. Do you also feel like that part only applies to relationships where the female is younger?

I feel that it's unbalanced in that it focuses too much on females and makes the entire article seem too female-centric.

If some examples were added About younger men then it may balance out, it should also perhaps have more neutral phrasing used in that it seems to be likely to cause people to doubt whether they are meant to be in a relationship with someone that may be an entirely beneficial relationship. Instead of warning them in a "this is dangerous" way it should make the reader aware of the possibilities while also making multiple disclaimers that the evidence and possible outcomes are all just statistics and that each relationship is unique and has its own different possibilities depending on the situation.

Overall yes, I feel it doesn't apply to me.

Nevermind guys

She's a lesbian, which is fine cos I get an amazing new friend instead ^,^

I recently met a guy 5yrs older than I.. He actually treats me better than anyone that I've ever been close to.. And he's yet to push sex or even try anything with me. Which is a dramatic change from my life.. I like this guy, so fingers crossed!