Scarleteen

So my boyfriend travels a lot, mostly for work purposes, and yesterday I saw him again for the first time in a month. He fingered me and I gave him a hand job for the first time and we discussed the possibility of having intercourse.I had been open to it at the time but now I'm starting to have my doubts if I'm really ready. He wants to do it in the next few days because he's leaving again and will be gone for another month. But I haven't gone on birth control yet, and although he has offered to use a condom I am very afraid of pregnancy and I worry that would not be enough protection (and most birth control takes a week to work and I want to find the right one for me). So I asked if we could wait until he got back from traveling and he acted sad. So at first I agreed to do it with him in the next few days but then I changed my mind again and so a few minutes ago I texted him asking if he would be ok just doing oral until he gets back from traveling and I'm on birth control so I don't have to worry about getting pregnant. I haven't heard back from him yet (although by the time you read this I will probably have heard from him again) but I'm just worried that I'm letting him push me around too much if that makes sense. I mean part of me wants to do it but at the same time I don't know if I'm really doing this for me or am I only doing this for him? I just have really complicated feelings right now and our long distance relationship makes it especially hard to understand my own feelings.

It is completely ok to wait! If you don't feel comfortable just using a condom, you should wait til you are 100% ready. It's awesome that you are thinking about protection like birth control. I think it would be best if you go on birth control so you are not worried about pregnancy. With sex, both parties should want it and consent to it, and even if your boyfriend was sad, he should still respect that you are not ready for intercourse yet and wait. I hope this has helped and best of luck!

Doing any sexual activity, with anyone, ever, NEVER obliges us to do it again, or do it with that person again.

Wanting to do something sexual never means we must or will want to do it again, or want to do it again in the same way, with the same person, or soon.

And anytime we give consent about something or ask for something sexual we can ALWAYS change our minds, as can our partners.

It sounds clear you don't want to do these things in the next few days. Do you need help communicating that to him?

No im ok but thank you. I talked to told him about how I was feeling and I think he understands. Thanks to both of you for your advice.