Scarleteen

I tried fingering myself once, and my finger didn't go very far in because it hurt. Today, my boyfriend tried it and he inserted an entire finger into me. It hurt quite a bit but it wasn't excruciating. When he moves his fingers, it's still painful but there's also pleasure so I ask him to continue. But then afterwards my vagina is sore and swollen and I was just wondering if this is normal? We used lube.

Hey audreylinen,

Welcome back to the boards!

It looks like you asked a similar question in October, so I'll be repeating some of what Heather shared there, along with some new responses to this specific post.

First of all, if having fingers (yours or your partner's) inside your vagina is painful, or more painful than it is pleasurable, it is totally fine to skip this activity--whether just for the short-term, or for the long-term. We each have sexual activities we enjoy and don't enjoy, and so as Heather said, "when being sexual together [people] will just need to be finding the wants and likes they have in common and going with those." Do you feel like this activity is primarily something that interests your boyfriend, or interests you as well?

But if further exploration of vaginal penetration is something that interests you (meaning interests YOU for you, not just to please your partner) there are a few things to keep in mind. Lube is a great start. Most important is making sure you are already feeling really sexually excited, so not beginning any "fingering" until you are you very aroused. In terms of the soreness, it could also be helpful to go slower and not go as deep.

Another thing to explore instead of, or in addition to, vaginal penetration is external clitoral stimulation. I wasn't quite positive from your previous posts: is that something you and your boyfriend are doing? Again, there is lots of room for experimentation: amount of lubrication, speed, pressure, number of fingers, positioning of legs, and since you mentioned "dry humping" in a previous post--you can also experiment with having fingers stimulate the clitoris over or under underwear or other clothes.

Both vaginal penetration and external clitoral stimulation are things you can explore on your own, and then share with your partner what you find pleasurable.

In terms of the swelling, our genitals get swollen when we are sexually aroused because of increased blood supply, my guess is that is what is going on. But if that doesn't sound right, can you describe the swelling?

It feels good for me too, when he's going fast and deep, and I suppose the pleasure is enough reason for me to stick with the pain. What I was thinking was that perhaps my vagina was still getting used to having something inside of it, that's why it hurt. I feel like it would hurt the next time too, but I would still like to continue doing it.
We've tried clitoral stimulation, it feels nice but it's just a mild feeling, nothing extreme. So it's not a prolonged?? activity for us.
For the swelling, it feels swollen after the fingering and still a tiny bit swollen now. When I peed last night it burnt a little. Is that just my vagina getting used to it? I hope the next time around it won't get swollen again and there won't be any pain

Your vagina - anyone's vagina - doesn't need to "get used" to any kind of entry or sexual activity. That's not how vaginas work Any kind of entry or sexual activity doesn't cause any kind of permanent change to any of your genitals, so there's no such thing as your vagina "getting used" to it.

Your genitals do experience some temporary changes while you're sexually aroused, and those changes are usually necessary to make entry possible, comfortable, and pleasurable. When you're aroused and relaxed, the vagina opens up in width and length. When you're no longer aroused, the vagina returns to its usual unaroused state.

From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse (although it says "intercourse" in the title, this piece is also just as useful for other kinds of entry, including with fingers) will likely be very helpful to you, and help fill you in on some of the reasons people can experience pain with entry, and what to do about it.

Some questions for you:
- when your boyfriend put his finger inside you, how much time had you both spent on other things that were pleasurable to you and made you feel aroused?
- before he put a finger in you, did you feel like you really, really wanted his finger inside you?
- did you both go really slowly?
- were you feeling relaxed and comfortable? Or were you feeling at all tense or nervous?
- whenever it started to hurt or feel at all uncomfortable, did you both apply more lube?

Whenever we feel any pain or discomfort from any kind of sex, that's a signal that something isn't quite right for our body, and it's sensible to stop doing the thing that hurts and return to doing whatever thing/s only feel really really good and pleasurable. Experiencing unintended pain in any kind of sex tends to be a turn-off for most people's bodies, so keeping going through the pain makes it more likely that what you're doing will give you less pleasure and more pain.

If we keep doing something to any part of our body when it hurts, that can make our body feel sore and painful afterwards. Like with any mild injury to any part of your body, you'll just want to be gentle with your genitals for a few days to let them heal.