Hello guys. I have a question about my new sex life.
Before, i had a homosexual contact, and i was like just i like it. Nowadays i have a girlfriend, and we are want to try sex. For me, it's first contact with girl, and for she - it's not first contact, but she tried only oral with partners before.
We had a lot of orals, but we want to start a full sexual life. She is scared, and cant fall in sexual pleasure because of her's fear.
I dont know what to do, i know about "first time fear" and so on, but i can't do anything, but wait.
She felt like she need to do that, but can't.
we have a consultation from women's medical(idk how it's name in english), and she advice us to wait.. but this waiting time has to fuck up us(i mean we have start thinking that sex is not normal and that's not what we will have in our relationship).
How to break this fear and how not to lose ourselfs in this situation?
we are 1 year in realtionship
First sex
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Sam W
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Re: First sex
Hi tEall,
If your partner is afraid or nervous about having intercourse, then that's likely a sign that she's not quite at a place where she's ready to do that. If she's anxious, it might be helpful for her to think about where that fear is coming from and for the two of you to talk about what you could do to ease those fears. Sex is common in relationships, but there's no timeline for when it happens in a relationship. Some couples are okay having it right away, others need more time. Does that make sense?
I think these two articles might also help you both right now: Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
Sorting Maybe from Can't-Be: Reality Checking Partnered Sex Wants & Ideals
If your partner is afraid or nervous about having intercourse, then that's likely a sign that she's not quite at a place where she's ready to do that. If she's anxious, it might be helpful for her to think about where that fear is coming from and for the two of you to talk about what you could do to ease those fears. Sex is common in relationships, but there's no timeline for when it happens in a relationship. Some couples are okay having it right away, others need more time. Does that make sense?
I think these two articles might also help you both right now: Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
Sorting Maybe from Can't-Be: Reality Checking Partnered Sex Wants & Ideals
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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tEall
- newbie
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- Age: 27
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- Primary language: Russian
- Pronouns: He
- Sexual identity: bi
- Location: Russia, Rostov-on-Don
Re: First sex
Hi Sam,
Thanks for ur advice and shared articles. We've learned from them that we are ready enough, and we've talked about fear.
In this situation we've got a trouble with going on. Her's muscles are strong enough to keep me away, even from getting her non virginity. Naturally, i cant enter.
Hopefully, we've started to strach them by tongue and fingers.. Are there any advices how to do that?
Is there any other idea how to do that?
Wishfull,
tEall.
Thanks for ur advice and shared articles. We've learned from them that we are ready enough, and we've talked about fear.
In this situation we've got a trouble with going on. Her's muscles are strong enough to keep me away, even from getting her non virginity. Naturally, i cant enter.
Hopefully, we've started to strach them by tongue and fingers.. Are there any advices how to do that?
Is there any other idea how to do that?
Wishfull,
tEall.
-
Sam W
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: First sex
You're welcome, I'm glad they were helpful.
From what you're describing, it sounds like she's still experiencing some tension and tightness when it comes to penetration. This article has a lot of advice on how to address that, and what might be causing it: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse .
It may also help to know that, while you can take steps to get used to having things inserted into the vaginal canal, there's no way to stretch it out so that it's always ready to have something inserted. You have to follow a lot of the advice in the article I just linked to each time you have sex to make sure it's not painful.
From what you're describing, it sounds like she's still experiencing some tension and tightness when it comes to penetration. This article has a lot of advice on how to address that, and what might be causing it: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse .
It may also help to know that, while you can take steps to get used to having things inserted into the vaginal canal, there's no way to stretch it out so that it's always ready to have something inserted. You have to follow a lot of the advice in the article I just linked to each time you have sex to make sure it's not painful.
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.