Wanking

[Babe101]

I am meeting up with my boyfriend. He always fingers me and I love it. I am going to wank him, what is the most pleasurable way

[thewrit3r]

Hi, Babe101!

Everyone has their own preferences on how they like to be touched. Some ways are common and of course you could look up how most men like to masturbate, but I think the best thing to do would be to ask your boyfriend how he likes to be touched/ show you what he likes. That way, you're not just left wondering and he'll likely appreciate that you took the time to ask him what he's interested so it's more enjoyable for both of you

[Babe101]

Thanks, what are the common ways?

[Heather]

There really isn't such a thing, and it wouldn't be very helpful if there was, because that still wouldn't mean your partner liked those ways.

The way to find out what he likes is by experimenting and communicating. You can also always ask him to show you how he does it himself, which tends to be very informative.

But mostly just think about this like kissing: you figure out how to do it with a given person by just trying what the thing is -- in this case, touching your partner's genitals with your hands -- in a way that feels good to you, checking in with your partner with words and by observing to find out what feels good to them, and learning as you go, which is actually something that tends to be one of the most fun parts of sex.

[Babe101]

My boyfriend has never wanked! Please tell me some common ways!

[thewrit3r]

Like Heather said everyone has their preferences so you could just try something and see which one he likes from his reaction/response to you (if he says it feels good/doesn't). Even if he's never masturbated before he'll know what feels comfortable when you do it and you'll both likely figure out where to go from there

[Heather]

Also, it is really, really unlikely he never has.

However, in the event that's true, then the same stuff still applies - you'll both just experiment together, which, again, truly is the fun part of sex - and communicate as you go.

It sounds like you don't feel comfortable about that basic part of sex with partners. If I have that right, do you want to talk about that?

[Babe101]

Yes please, Heather

[Heather]

You got it.

Can you write a little about how and why (if you know), the sexual process of getting to know a partner and learning each other makes you feel uncomfortable or anxious?

[Babe101]

I really like him but I like to know a guaranteed way to wank him so that he'll like it. I do not like figuring it out in case it goes wrong. Is that stupid?

[Heather]

It's not stupid, but it's not realistic. Even people who have been sexual with someone for decades can't ever figure that is a guarantee. And that also shouldn't be a big deal. After all, sex with someone isn't a service we are providing (unless we are doing sex work), but an experience we are sharing.

And again, having that experience is supposed to be fun and feel like an adventure. If it feels like you have to know how to do sex as a service, or to deliver an orgasm or other good feelings OR ELSE, then you will want to check in with yourself about that, and maybe even talk to your partner about it.

Do you feel like it is okay for your partner to try things with you that you won't always get off on, or that you might not like, or might need to ask him to try something a little differently with?

[Babe101]

Thanks heather