I've never had an orgasm

[H.aldridge]

Hello. This is my first time posting here.
The thing is like this. I am 21 years old and i am a virgin. Right now i am not interested in having intercourse, yet Ive had sexual encounters with my boyfriend. Until very resently i started masturbating, and guiding him toward what i like. Although i fairly enjoy when I or he stimulate my clit, fingers me or gives me a bj, I always reach this plateau... it feels good, i feel tingles in my legs, sometimes im out of breath but that's it (I'm never at the point of heavy sweating or dizziness people talk about). Nothing more ever happens. He doesn't preassure me, nor i am dying to achieve it. Yet, i know he tries very hard to give me one, or as i do with myself but... i don't know...
Do you guys have any advise to why even alone i can't reach it, or how can i fully disconect my mind from thinking about it when we are at it? I mean it feels very good and as the say, its all about the road, not the destination but... how can i go to the next level, stop remaining at this plateau or whatever it is?

[Mo]

Hi there H.aldridge, and welcome to Scarleteen.

First off, if you haven't yet seen this article, I think it's a helpful place to start when thinking about orgasm: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide

It's possible, from what you're describing, that you are experiencing orgasm; people's reaction to having an orgasm can vary a lot (both from person to person and individually from one time to another) and "tingly, good feelings with shortness of breath after" is a way that they can feel! Orgasms CAN be huge and overwhelming but they can also feel smaller and less intense.
Also, sometimes it just takes time and experimentation to get past that plateau stage; I think continuing to experiment during masturbation and sex with your partner will help you figure out what feels best and what works for you. Keep in mind, too, that orgasm is so connected to what's going on in your brain that feeling stressed or impatient about an orgasm not happening when you want it to...is going to make it less likely for one to happen. It may help to try and have your sexual focus be not "I want to have an orgasm" but "I want to feel pleasure and intimacy" and let an orgasm be a nice part of things if it happens but not the Absolute Sex Goal hanging over you. Does that make sense?

[H.aldridge]

Yes, and thank you for your reply. I think you are right that i may have already experienced an orgasm, i just can recall once. But if i don't feel (the other times) a sense of satisfaction ir release but instead something similar to a full stop on feeling something beyond just good, its sometimes good and nothing more or a numbness... is that it too? Or those time i just didn't achieve it?

[Mo]

It's hard to know how to classify someone else's sexual experience, so to be honest I really can't tell you! Some people do experience something where sexual stimulation goes from feeling good to feeling like it's too much, or painful, or even kind of numb, without reaching orgasm, so that could be what you're describing here! I just can't say for sure since people experience things so differently.

[H.aldridge]

Ok... i guess I'll keep trying and experience thing to know more about my self and sexual life. Thank you for your response!!