Anxiety is ruining my sex life

[Angeldelight123]

Hi guys,

I'm going to be straight up, I really really do love sex; it feels good, helps me feel close to my boyfriend and it's freaking fun! But I have anxiety... and I do get scared of pregnancy risks etc, I have considered not having sex for a while until I've felt better, but I don't actually want to stop! So I've spoken to my therapist, the school nurse who is now a great friend of mine, my other friends and my mum about this suggestion and both they and I think it's not reasonable because 1) Why should I deprive myself of something so normal and enjoyable at my age just because my anxiety wants me to? 2) if I was to stop having sex, it wouldn't really take the fears away and if I was to have sex again later on they would obviously creep up again and in that case I would have to refrain from having sex forever?! No, that's not fair in my opinion. I shouldn't have to be so anxious in the first place because I am very safe with my birth control and using it properly, I use two methods and that's taking the pill and using condoms, with the occasional withdrawal method before ejaculation on top of those other two (so basically three methods), so I have no sound reason to worry about pregnancy risks. Yes I'm aware that an anxiety disorder is a lot more complicated than that and I continue to have irrational thoughts but it is frustrating and I don't want to be scared anymore especially when I'm being so safe and sensible about having sex, it's getting to the point now that i know I'm being ridiculous and it's making me real angry. It'd be a whole different story if I was having sex without a care in the world and using no contraception (like I know some people that do). All my friends are sexually active and take WAY bigger risks than me and don't even think twice?! I feel like I really need to start putting things into perspective and know that my chances of pregnancy or stds or whatever is so so unlikely to happen that it isn't even worth this post.
Any help?

[Sam W]

Hi Angeldelight,

You mention speaking to your therapist about this, which is great. Did the two of you discuss ways to help you manage your anxiety around this?

[Angeldelight123]

Yep, and she said that facing my fears would be better rather than just hiding away from them and basically masking the problem, aka continuing to have sex but try and remember that I'm doing so safely and sensibly. She even suggested only having a session of sex once every few weeks or so to help sort of ease myself better, if that makes sense.

[Sam W]

Got it. Did the two of you talk at all about addressing what's underneath those fears in a way that helps you move past (or at least manage) that anxiety?