Pre-T Trans Kid

[Aaron_is_manly4]

I'm out to my mom and my step-dad (no my dad, though) and they claim to be supportive, but they don't believe me and refuse to use He/Him pronouns or my preferred name. Honestly, it's killing me to be at home with this. Any tips to reintroduce the subject/come out to my dad? Additional question: is there a minimum age to go on testosterone or start wearing a binder?

[thewrit3r]

If they're not using your pronouns then I have to question how supportive they actually are. Someone who's supportive would use the correct pronouns and if they accidentally misgendered you they'd apologize and work on getting your pronouns right. Just because they say they support you doesn't mean they do because actions speak louder than words. I'm not trying to be rude to your mom or stepdad but from what you wrote they're being pretty disrespectful.

Have you spoken to them yet about how hurtful misgendering you is? Perhaps they don't understand. Not trying to give them a pass because honestly if someone asks you to call them by anything (pronoun, name, etc) or not call you by anything people should respect that. Maybe explaining to them how it makes you feel when they use the wrong pronouns around you will help them realize that they were being insensitive.

Since you added that it's really bothering you to be at home with this is there a way you can get out more and find more supportive people? Your school even might have an LGBT alliance or there may be other people you can meet up with. It's important to find support systems in our lives and unfortunately that's not always our parents, but that doesn't mean we still can't find them - we can find them in friends, too.

As far as coming out to your dad, maybe think about how you approached your mom when you came out? What things did you say? Of course, they're two different people so I'm sure your approach would be different in some ways. But looking on how you did it before could be helpful - I'm sorry the people you told haven't been supportive so far but you should feel proud of yourself that you are unashamedly honest with who you are because that's such a freeing feeling. Also, like I mentioned earlier, maybe you could find others in the LGBT community who can help you with the coming out process. And it's only something I would do if you felt comfortable doing it. I hope you don't feel pressured or anything because your identity is your business and no one has to know unless you want to tell them. Maybe knowing that telling your dad is optional could help, not that you don't want to tell him but that you're not obligated to. Does that make sense?

Unfortunately, I can't help with the last question because it really depends on where you live and I'm not honestly sure if the laws vary depending on your state. Also since you're a minor I'm not sure if that would have any effect on what you could get or not. That's probably something you'd have to look up or you could probably bring it up at a doctor's appointment.

[Karyn]

To add to thewrit3r's excellent advice, we have a series of articles - Trans Summer School - that might help with some of this (if you haven't seen those pieces already). The first is here: Welcome to Trans Summer School!.

As far as hormones, that will depend on where you are and what the laws are in your state, but if you'd like some help finding a healthcare provider who might be able to answer some of those questions for you, let us know! With the binder though, there is no age limit; the section on binding in the Gender Expression Gear part of Trans Summer School has links to a lot more information.