Scarleteen

im only 14, and I was about to have sex for the first time a little over a week ago. the guy I was doing it with wasnt wearing a condom, but he kind of came while still TRYING to put it in... I'm really worried I might be pregnant . Me and the guy don't really talk anymore, I don't really thin he's interested but I'm just really worried if I'm pregnant. If I am , I know for sure I would want an abortion, I just CANNOT tell my parents or anyone in my family, and I'm 100% sure about that. I don't know what to do, I'm not sure if I can get an abortion without an adult where I live.. Please help

Hey there, cherryxocola. Welcome to the boards.

If you had asked about this sooner, I would have advised emergency contraception, and if you'd like to talk about how to assure nothing happens without protection for the future, I would like to have that conversation with you. Let's see what we can do to make this the only time you have to go through this, okay?

Alas, all there is to do right now is wait this out until you can take a pregnancy test OR until you get your period (which would let you know pregnancy didn't occur). Are your periods, if you are already having them, regular at all? When was the last one you had?

Know that in the event you do become pregnant, one thing we are always here for for people is doing all we can to help them be able to make the reproductive choices they want, including abortion, and that has included everything from helping someone find a clinic to connecting someone with sources of abortion funding to even once getting someone a ride to and from their abortion. So, if that's how this goes and you need help with any of it, we got you.

In Ontario, as a minor, you do not need parental permission for abortion, just so you know and can let that be one less thing you're worried about.

thank you for the response. That really helped and I feel a bit better now knowing that I don't need parental permission. I know I shouldn't have had unprotected sex, I guess I just really liked him so I wasn't really thinking . The last time I got my period was around 21 days ago and I should be getting it right about now, but it's still not here. I just have one more question , do I have to pay for it? like I know I'd probably get pills if I found out early enough but do I have to pay? And how much ??

Do you want to talk about how to both remind yourself of your lines and limits when you are in this kind of situation (really liking someone, probably also turned on, but maybe also feeling intimidated, especially if they are doing most or all of the move-making) AND how to do that with someone?

In Ontario, my understanding is that if you have an OHIP card, the cost of abortion is covered.

im not sure... I don't know what id do the next time if neither of us had a condom, I really wanted to do it so I guess I just didn't think and said oh well, which clearly wasnt a good idea !

Was condom use something you discussed with your partner last time? I ask because it sounds like there may not have been a lot of communication about what you both were comfortable with (like using/not using condoms) and making those limits clear before anything sexual happens is one way to prevent situations like these in the future.

I guess we never really talked about it, we would just ask each other if we had a condom but neither of us did that time, and I didn't really wanna stop so I just continued and let him. I didn't think that would have happened so fast though, he didn't even get it in..

Well, even if he had, you would have been taking a big risk when it came to pregnancy and STIs (infections). And you make pretty clear that in hindsight, this wasn't a choice that turned out to be right for you.

So, moving forward, and knowing what you know now, do you feel like sex, or this kind of sex, is something you're ready for, including having the ability to say no when it can't happen safely?

Well I do believe I'm ready for sex, but only protected sex, and I kinda wanna be in a relationship with that person too now.. The guy I was with clearly wasnt actually into me and it does hurt i guess, but I'm not planning on ever having unprotected sex again.. I'm taking a pregnancy test today too by the way..

Having a better idea of your wants and limits is great. Do you feel like you have a better idea of what you might do in the future to express those limits to a partner, and stick to them? If you haven't seen them already, by the way, we have a couple of articles that might come in handy:
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
Be Your Own Superhero: Learning How and When to Stand Up for Ourselves

You may also want to check out this piece, on all that readiness involves:
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

With the pregnancy test, has it been at least two weeks since you had sex? Waiting sucks, but testing too early can give you an inaccurate result, which isn't what you want.

oh oops hehe, I took the test but its only been 11 days. it came out negative but I know I should wait Atleast 2 weeks now till I can get an accurate result. by the way, I'm getting my basic every few months bloodwork done tomorrow and I usually have to take a urine test too.. the doctor wouldn't have any way of seeing something if I was pregnant right?! I'm sorry I'm just really nervous incase my parents find anything out

hi cherryxocola. The doctor CAN do a pregnancy test on your urine or blood samples, but that doesn't mean they WILL. Usually they have a list of regular things they run tests for. You can ask them about whether pregnancy is one of the things they test for. Furthermore, any results from your blood and urine tests are covered by doctor-patient confidentiality and your doctor should NOT be discussing any of your results with your parents.

(btw, I am also in ontario so if you need more info about the way our health system works, I can help you out)