Support with Reproductive Options: Abortion

[Heather]

If you are now or have been pregnant and the choice you have made with that pregnancy was to choose to terminate a pregnancy via an abortion procedure (be it medical or surgical), this is the spot for general talk or peer support with that choice!

* Given our guidelines, it should go without saying that this needs to be a safe space where people receive support, not judgment. This is NOT the place to talk about your general feelings about abortion if you have not yourself chosen one, nor to air any anti-choice sentiments. However, if you are choosing or have chosen abortion, we respect the range of feelings with that that exists around any reproductive choice. It is okay for those who have chosen abortion and who have hard, negative or mixed feelings to discuss them here, just like it is acceptable for those who have very positive feelings to discuss them here.)

[packlight]

I am going through with an abortion this weekend. My boyfriend of 7 months and I are in a longish distance relationship (two different cities), and it's been tough on us. Two days before I found out I was pregnant, we broke up and he cut off all contact. We broke up because I pushed him away. I'm dealing with depression. Those two days after we broke up I was so worried about finally getting into a therapists office and trying to reestablish a more open line of communication so that he and I could at least be friends.

And then I got a positive pregnancy test back and a whole nother world of worries flooded in. I was trying to figure out who I could trust and support me. And the only person I could think of was him.

The next day, I wrote him a long email about it and my decision to become unpregnant. I was conflicted whether I was going to tell him, even. Thankfully, he jumped right in. He said "Don't worry, everything will be okay." We've been talking really frequently since. Even though, we aren't sure what we want our relationship to be right now, I am just glad he is there. He's told me that he supports me but I know he really doesn't like the situation. He said "I wish there was something I could do to save this child. I thought about coming to you right away and proposing near the mountain where you hike, but I have no money." That tore me up. It's tearing me up.

We are both expats living in a foreign country, which thankfully has relatively great options for women who are not going to carry to term, better than the U.S. in my opinion. Yesterday, I did some preliminary tests at my local women's clinic: Blood test, Leucorrhea Test, Gynecological Exam, An ultrasound. I found out that I've been pregnant for 20 days. The doctor said it was too early to have surgery so I am just waiting 5 or 6 more days.I had never been in an OB/GYN before, even though I'm 24. It was really cool seeing all the equipment at the doctor's and to know that I can produce life. It put me in a good mood and made me hopeful about trying again one day when I am ready.

I usually make enough, so I wasn't worried about the cost at all. But I misread some terms in my contract and found out today that I will not be paid this month's salary. After the abortion, I will not have much money to live on. I had a panic attack in my office about it. I yelled at my boss and cried in front of a client. I feel exhausted emotionally. And I have to cancel my therapist appointment because I need to save money.

Even though, I have my boyfriend, which I am ever so grateful for, I feel really alone. All I can do is write. I always assumed that people who have abortions have this place they can go online somewhere to talk about this experience or an online community that would just be there. I haven't found any yet, any suggestions are oh so welcome.

[Heather]

You're certainly welcome to talk about any of this here on our boards, packlight.

We had a thread for this on the old boards, just realized there wasn't one yet on the new ones, so I made a general place for this kind of support here: http://www.scarleteen.com/bb/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=1497

Another option, that is a site expressly focused on this, is: https://exhaleprovoice.org/pro-voice-community

Or: http://yourbackline.org/