Letting Go of Pregnancy Anxiety

[Scarlett1]

Hello,

I would say that the majority of the time I'm a very rational person, and that anxiety about pregnancy hasn't had an intense impact on my quality of life or day to day. However, sometimes, I get scared about pregnancy very stupidly from things that happened 11ish months ago (and these are things I've read on your sight can't contribute to pregnancy-like a guy ejaculating on my pants). But, sometimes, I get the creeping feeling that these actions may come back to haunt me. Maybe a lot of this goes back to my sexually conservative upbringing (being raised by a mother who waited for marriage) and just how she talked to me about sex (which wasn't at all really except that a considerable amount of my worth for a husband was in virginity). I feel like I've done a good job setting boundaries with men, obviously I didn't stop him from ejaculating, but I had shorts on and realize rationally that makes me safe from having a baby up in here haha. I also have some daddy issues I'll probably spend a good chunk of time confronting, but that's a lot of us these days. Mostly, I want to make sure I can have a successful relationship in the future where I feel good about things physically and embracing my sexually. Ultimately, I don't think that I would wait for marriage, I would like to just love and have trust with someone, but will it be too hard to shake off what was reiterated during teenage years? My brother has been very sexually active, taking advantage of our cultures double standard, and sleeps perfectly fine at night haha, I want to not think it's different for me. I guess I'm just thinking, how do I work on feeling good about being physical? And not jumping to worst case scenario immaculate conception?

[Sam W]

Hi Scarlett,

Have you ever spoken to a mental healthcare provider about what you've told us here? If so, did they have any recommendations for how to manage these fears?

[Scarlett1]

I haven't really talked to anyone in an official capacity, although I've discussed just referring back to possibly yalls articles or things I know to be true in order to deal with them when they pop up. I feel like if I walk through things with myself I am able to be rational and know it's not real, and from talking to my friends it seems like all have had a little pregnancy anxiety-mostly I just don't ever want it to really be a thing again moving forward. So I guess that is mostly just knowing what I need to feel good about situations?

[Mo]

To some extent we can't know what you specifically need to feel good, but the basic approach we use, for people who don't know the facts about things like pregnancy, is to make sure they know them. For many people who aren't struggling with anxiety, that's a huge piece of the puzzle: once the facts are known, they stop worrying.

If you're finding that referring back to facts just doesn't help you feel less stressed - and based on a lot of conversations we've had in chat, it does seem like this is the case, or that the stress relief doesn't last long - then the next step would indeed be seeking out some mental health support around this. Getting counseling doesn't just have to be something to do in response to a huge crisis; it can also be useful if you want help building up your own toolkit for tackling a specific worry or situation that kicks off anxiety for you.

At this point, based on the conversations we've had in chat & on the message boards, I think that is going to be the best next step for you. If you need help figuring out how to access mental health support, that's something we can certainly talk about.

[Scarlett1]

Hi again,

I do feel like referring back to the facts has made me feel a lot better. I guess what I mostly wanted to approach y'all with is just ways to try and make sure I don't feel it again when I am physical with someone in the future. I guess just refer back to those facts and make sure we have a really good level of trust and I feel safe? Thanks again so much for all the help everyone here has given me, it has meant a lot.

[Sam W]

Those are both good approaches. I will say that, if you're finding the anxiety pops back up no matter how many times you've previously looked at the facts, checking in with a mental healthcare provider would be a sound call. You may even want to do that as a proactive step before you're in your next sexual relationship, so that you've eliminated or addressed some factors that may be driving those hard-to-shake fears.