Finding out if he's still interested

[simome05]

I've been dating a guy for 3 months. We have a great chemistry together and really like each other. In August he left for MN for pilot training in Las Vegas and is now being bounced around the country. We hooked up in early September and he informed me that he wasn't seeing anyone else. Then he went back to the west coast and said we would continue what we started when he got back. Since then I've stopped seeing other guys, I just don't think its fair to anyone else if my full interest is in guy #1. The past two weeks he seems pretty distant or etc in texts or phone conversations. Then last week he informed me that he was being sent to Florida for the whole month of October and then back to Seattle for November. I trust him, he really is a great guy and i know pilot jobs are insane. I can't even imagine how tough his job is. Today I decided I need to know if he's still interested in me and if there is an US. So I decided to send him a text, just because I never know when it's a good time to call and I know with a text he can call or reply at his leisure.

Here's the text....

I know work is really crazy for you right now. But I just wanted to make sure you are still having fun getting to know me and if that's still what you want to be doing?

My question is was this a bad idea, was this just my easy way out? Could this have come off as I'm pissed off at him. Which I'm totally not. I just want to know if he's still interested. I believe that I have the right to know. I really want to continue seeing him.

[Sam W]

Hi Simome,

I think getting in touch with him and expressing your thoughts/concerns about the relationship was a really sound choice. It seems like it might be best for you two to have a conversation about your relationship in terms of what you both want from it, what the boundaries of it are (open, monogamous, etc). I recommend that you take some time before talking those points over with him to work them out for yourself, as that can help you clarify the things you want to discuss with him.

Also, while his schedule might be all over the place, this would be a good conversation to have over the phone/skype. Somewhere that you can hear tone and there's less room for miscommunication. Do you think he'd be open to a conversation like that?

[simome05]

But is it to late to talk over the phone with him? I sent the text 3 hours ago and he never responded.

[Sam W]

The conversation doe not have to happen right now, especially if you think he might be at work or in transit, although I would bring up the idea of the bigger talk pretty soon, since you sound like you'd prefer to hash this out sooner rather than later. Like I said, you may want to even take a day or two to work out the specifics of what you'd like to bring up. We have some pieces on how to have some of the bigger "do we want the same things from this" conversations. Would you like me to link you to some of those?

[simome05]

Did I ruin my chances with him? Is it ok with our history to call in a few days if I don't get a response from him? I don't want him to think I'm some crazy girl he slept with that won't go away. I want a relationship with him, but it's hard to figure out.

[Sam W]

The thing is, the only person who can answer your questions about how he's feeling and what he wants? Is him. So, I do not think it's out of line to contact him in a day or so, and see how things go from there. Have the two of you discussed your relationship details at any point during the time you've known each other?