Scarleteen

Hi! I have a couple questions about my hanging labia. I noticed it when I was around 10 years old, I'm now 12 almost 13 years old. I'm very insecure and embarrassed about it. What causes a hanging labia? I've masturbated before would that have caused it? How old do I have to be to have labiaplasty without my parents knowing? Can a gynecologist do the surgery? Would I have to pay for it or is it covered by insurance? Do you recommend the surgery? Are there any bad things that can happen after the surgery like not being able to have kids when I'm older? I've read that if I have the surgery and then have kids something might tear? I'm really paranoid and embarrassed about it, especially in summer wearing bathing suits. Do you have any tips or advice for me?
Thank you!

Do you mean inner labia that extend outside the labia majora?

If so, there is no cause of this, and it is simply a common way the inner labia are. Just like some people have noses that turn up and others have noses that are turned down, or some people are blonde while others brunette, some people's labia are short and others are longer. Some people even have inner labia where one stays inside the outer labia, but the other sticks out!

Can you talk more about your concerns? Where are you getting your ideas about what's normal?

Yes that's what I mean. I'm not sure. I just feel like it's not normal. Will this at all effect anything with haveing kids? And if I do decide to have the surgery in a couple years would that effect it?

Hey MaryleyRosie,

So yes as Heather mentioned having both (or one) of your inner labia sit outside of your outer labia is perfectly normal!

Regarding having a labiaplasty, I am not sure about its effects on childbirth but I do know it can effect sensitivity and sexual pleasure. What a terrible thing to lose

There is far from enough information about our labia, and celebration of our labia, in our culture. Check out this piece to learn about some of the information that is often kept from us: Give'em Some Lip: Labia That Clearly Ain't Minor

Even if it wasn't normal, I would encourage you to embrace your body's uniqueness (that's what makes our bodies so awesome!), but now that you know that this is perfectly normal, I am wondering: what makes you interested in this surgery?

I'm interested in the surgery because it's embarrassing and makes me feel really self conscious, and wearing tighter clothes and swim suits sometime you can see the outline of it

This is the kind of cosmetic surgery - like most - that you usually have to be 18 for first.

Since cosmetic surgery is not part of what we do (a surgeon is who to talk to about that), and that's a long way off, besides, want to talk a bit about how to get more comfortable with your body over time? There are plenty of things you can do to help with this that aren't surgical and aren't about altering your body in any way.

I'm heading out for the day shortly, but if so, I can certainly pick this up with you tomorrow.

Ok thank you!

You got it.

Can you tell me about what I asked about before? Where do you feel like you get your ideas about how bodies are "supposed" to look?

Also: have you found you generally feel pretty comfortable in and with your body and its parts? Is this just about your genitals? Have you only had discomfort with them or other body parts since puberty? Can you tell me a bit about the history of how you feel about your body?

I don't really get ideas about how bodies are supposed to look but I just feel like mine is different. Yes it's only with genitals. I've only had discomfort with them when wearing tighter clothing. I feel kind of bigger about my body than the rest of my friends. I'm not overweight or anything I just don't like how I look. I started puberty early than most of my friends and have a little bigger breasts than them so I feel kind of embarrassed about my body.

I was looking up stuff about this, and on one website it was like this message thing where anyone could comment and one person said that it looks like "beef jerky" which is really stupid and made me feel worse about it.

For sure, being an early bloomer can be tough (dealt with that myself, way back when).

I wonder if you can start by recognizing that anything or anyone being bigger than something or someone else doesn't make it bad or less ideal. So, even if your body or any of its parts are bigger than those of your friends, that doesn't mean something is wrong with your body. Same goes for if you have development before others in your peer group: I get it can feel awkward and like everyone is always looking and staring -- sometimes because they are! -- but a) they'll catch up soon enough, so you won't be so alone in this and b) people who are on the later end of things can tend to feel a similar way.

You get to dress however you feel comfortable. While your inner labia aren't likely to show through a bathing suit (tip: you just tuck any extra inside your outer labia while wearing your suit, but even if you didn't, it still wouldn't be something people could see), if you feel better about wearing board shorts, for example, or a swim skirt, rather than a tight bottom, you can do that.

Do you have anyone in your family you can go to for support when you are having these kinds of feelings?

Gross people can say gross stuff about body parts, especially with all the sexism in the mix with this stuff.

I assure you, when someone is an insecure jerk, they have names for EVERY way of a body being: what color people's skin is, what size people are, stupid words for every kind of breast etc. The person who said that is gross (so much so them even getting to see someone else's labia is not very likely), not the body parts they were referring to.

I do but I would feel way to embarrassed taking about it to that person, and I don't know why but I feel I I talk to them about it they might look at me differently.

The right people to talk to are the people you feel pretty comfortable talking to. If you feel like talking to that person would ultimately leave you feeling any worse, then maybe you figure for now they're not who you want to talk to, even though you can. That's okay.

Do you feel ashamed that you feel uncomfortable with your body, like feeling how you are is unusual or unacceptable? Sounds like you might?

Yes I do feel ashamed that I'm uncomfortable with my body. I wish I wasn't though.

Okay.

Obviously it sucks to feel uncomfortable in our own skin, but there's no shame in it. Just like we won't always feel comfortable with our thoughts, our behavior, or with our performance in certain things (sports, academics, creative endeavors, etc.), the same goes with us and our bodies sometimes. And during times a body is changing or has changed a ton -- like during and after pregnancy, aging, after injury or yep, puberty -- it's more common than not.

We have some excepts here from a wonderful book Wrenna Robertson did about vulvas and how people with them feel about them. I think you might benefit by looking at (note: there are photos of genitals there) and reading those pieces: http://www.scarleteen.com/tags/show_you_mine

You might also want to take a look at this: Give'em Some Lip: Labia That Clearly Ain't Minor

Just a few things to give you a more informed idea of this anatomy.

Ok thank you! You have made me feel so much better.

Glad to help and support you. We can talk here about this more if and whenever you'd like. Hope those pieces help, too.

Also, Marleyrosie, you might be interested in the "Body Bliss Call Out" thread on the Bodies message board. Maybe you will even feel moved one of these days to add something you appreciate about your body there