Sexual pleasure

[WolfeKay]

I am so lost and I couldn't figure out how to find any answers on my own.
But a few months ago about half a year ago I had a boyfriend who I did sexual things with and one day he surprised me with sticking his 'member' in me and I lost my virginity but after that we tried having sex but it would never go in it hurt even before he took my virginity.

Now I have a new boyfriend and he and I have been together a long time and I wanted to work my way up slowly to having sex with him. He stuck his finger in me and it took a few tries to get used to it but I didn't like the finger moving in and out it wasn't comfortable he was gentle too, then two fingers was more uncomfortable, I couldn't even do three. I stuck a rubber handle of a razor up my vagi- and didn't get pleasure I just felt I had to pee I had my slight tingles but it was nothing really I didn't moan I didn't feel anything amazing inside. Next I tried a hairbrush handle and it took longer to get in I had to play with myself while pushing it in. But I finally got it in and started moving it in and out and I felt little pleasure at first but as I kept going I felt I had to pee and it was warm everytime the brush pulled out and I tried changing different paces but no pleasure. I was perfectly wet. Will it be different once my boyfriends 'member' is in me? Is it just cause I'm using objects and not actual intercourse with a 'member'? Is something wrong with me that I have to play with my clit in order to feel pleasure? Please help I'm confused and really want pleasure, there's no pain just nothing no feelings except that small pee feeling every now an then, and maybe a little tingle every now an then.

[Sam W]

Hi WolfeKay,

To answer one of your questions, no, stimulating your clit to feel pleasure is not at all unusual, and in fact many people with a vagina will find they need clitoral stimulation as much as, if not more so, than penetration.

When you're trying penetration, both on your own and with a partner, are you aroused and relaxed? Or do you feel pretty nervous? Because if you're concentrating so much on making sure penetration happens, sometimes the rest of your body and brain gets neglected, which makes you tense or under-aroused, which can lead to pain.

With your previous boyfriend, did you consent to him putting his penis in the first time?

[WolfeKay]

I always get nervous and tense up, I get worried about pain. An with my first boyfriend no I didn't get a chance to say yes or no so it went in no problem but it was painful.
Also I'm having a problem now, since I stuck the brush handle to masturbate, gosh this is embarrassing. I now have to pee a lot like I'll get a pee feeling but only a droplet will come out, did I mess something up? My friend said its normal but i don't know.

[Jacob]

Hi WolfeKay!

So there are 3 things I'm really glad you're asking.

1. With your previous boyfriend the fact that you had no chance to say yes or no, means there wasn't consent. That's not ok and it's not how anyone should treat you, it's no wonder you feel nervous, tense and worried! We're totally here if you want to unpack that more!

2. It also sounds like you are forcing things a little bit, doing a bunch of stuff that feels uncomfortable for you, but actually, you really don't need to.

Usually the best thing is to focus on is you feeling good and doing what feels good for you, like that clitoral stimulation for example, or whatever hobies you have! Penetration could be something to try in the future if you find yourself really wanting it, but doing it for someone else is unlikely to feel very nice, and it isn't fair thing for a partner to ask you at the moment.

3. The recent needing to pee, not being able to pee, and pain thing sounds a bit like you are describing a UTI which is very common. If it has lasted longer than one day it will need to be solved with a doctors visit. There is some great information on that here: Out, Out Damn UTI

Also it's a good idea to make sure anything that goes in you is clean... if you have access to condoms that would be another useful way to keep the risk of infections down.

[WolfeKay]

Thank you so much I'll come back for more questions if I have any

[Jacob]

No worries! I hope you're ok.