Scarleteen

Since January of 2015 I have not trusted grown men. Then, earlier this summer my step dad... touched me (I have another post about that if you think you can help). This post is about January. I never talk about it and I think these bottled up feelings may be having a negative affect on me.
Christmas of 2014, I got a phone. The next January I was frequently on Omegle. After getting bored with normal chats, I was chatting on the tag "naughty". I talked to many men, I told them my age (11) and not many of them had any problem with it. I ended up on kik with a man named "DocterE" I often sent pictures of my body to him, and he would pressure me to send more than I was comfortable with. Then I got a message on kik from a guy, whose username I don't remember (I'll call him Derek) So Derek made me his "slave" and often kept me up and threatened me with finding me irl when I wanted to quit with him. I was in this for a month and I hated it. I lost all self respect and I started to hate myself. I called myself a slut and worthless. My dad saw one day and I knew he thought of me as just a slut. My mom tried to convince me that they took advantage of me. I still beat myself up over it, I think it's because I havent told anyone. I'm hoping this will help.

I'm so sorry you've had to experience the abuse and attempted abuse that you have. And please know none of it has been your fault.

By all means, someone being abusive will always be about way more than just their gender, but when someone needs space from certain people or groups of people to work on healing from their abuse, in the ways that's a choice, there is nothing wrong with taking that space and time. If you need some time to be away from men while you feel so unsafe around them, and time to rebuild some trust, that is okay, and it should be okay for you to do what you can to get that for yourself.

How can we help you with this?

It sounds like now you have told your Mom and us here about these things, and that's great. If you'd like to take a next step by seeking out something like an in-person counselor or support group, let us know and we'd be happy to help you look.