I am tired of getting my heart broken

[curly]

I am bad at organizing my thoughts and explaining things so I am sorry for this being a mess

I am a person that is very passionate... I feel emotions very powerfully... so when I like someone, I like them a lot. I spent 5 years liking the same boy, whom I had absolutely no chance with. He is much more popular than I am and pretty much has completely ignored me for the past 5 years. I had two classes with him in 7th grade and I fell head over heels for him and I could not stop liking him after that. It did not make any sense, we were not close, we never had any classes together, I barely saw him..yet my feelings for him were so strong that I kept liking him. I truly believed that we were meant to be together. I saw every little thing as a sign. Sophmore year I would take an extremely long way to get to my science class just so I could see him for a second. Nothing ever happened, he never cared and that broke my heart. I desperately wanted to stop liking him but I could not. Sometimes I liked other boys, but in the back of my head I always knew that I would leave them in a second for him. I always believed that we would get together senior year, because I was so sure that it was meant to be. The feeling was so strong...I was sure that it was bound to happen. Well guess what, it's senior year and I just found out that he has a girlfriend (who happens to be one of the most popular and prettiest girls in the school). My heart is shattered... but I am mostly mad at mysef. I am mad that I wasted so much time after this guy, who never even cared about me. Freshman year was the only year I did not like him that much, that is because I liked someone else, but even this new guy broke my heart. He also had feelings for me but refused to date me because I was not as popular. And now, I think that I am over the guy that I have liked for 5 years mostly because I have realized how stupid I was and that it is time to give up. I think I like someone else now, I am not so sure because I am still hurt. But, of course, this guy likes another girl...a lot. He is my friend so my entire friend group knows how much he likes this other girl and there is just nothing I can do. I am getting my heart broken...again. I can't take it anymore. All my friends have boyfriends and they always talk about how happy they are with them and I can't help but wish that I was in the same situation. I do not understand why it is so hard for me to find a guy that likes me back, and I am so mad at myself for wasting 5 years pining after the same guy. I would also like to experience the same sexual experiences that my friends have had (as it is senior year) but all I have done is kissed someone. I am not really sure what I am asking here... I guess.. how do I stop getting my heart broken?

[Sam W]

Hi Curly,

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough emotional time right now. When you invest a lot of emotional and mental energy in another person, even if you're never actually involved with that person, it can be really difficult to let go of your attachment to that person. It's okay to give yourself a little time to feel sad. Once you've given yourself that time, my next piece of advice is to focus your time and energy on your relationships with your friends and your relationship with yourself. It can be really tempting when your heart is hurting to replace the lost romantic feelings with new romantic feelings. But it's ultimately better to take time to nurture all the other aspects of your life than diving straight in to another romantic pursuit. That's not to say you won't still have crushes, but for the time being it may be best to acknowledge that the feeling is there and not dwell on it (especially if said crush is already dating someone). It can definitely feel weird to be the only one in a friend group not dating someone, but the trick is to fill your life with other things that make you happy so that when a potential partner does come along they're a pleasant addition to your life rather than the center of it. Does that make sense?

The other thing to try in the future is to take a more active role when you're interested in someone. It sounds like you may have done this with the guy who turned you down for not being popular enough (and helpfully identified himself as someone who was unlikely to be a good partner by doing so), which is great. But actively asking your crushes out, even if it's intimidating, cuts out a lot if the guess work. You get a straight answer as to whether they like you or not, rather than years of hoping they might.