Scarleteen

So, this friend, let's call her Y (for the sake of anonymity) I've been talking to for at least 3-4 years although we stayed friends even when I started talking to her a lot more during last school year, and she's been out of high school for at least a year now. I started to have feelings for her, both sexual and romantic. (She's asexual, so that might make things a little complicated on that side of things.) I'm afraid it might be an issue with her being out of school as well as with my family, but I also feel like I'm maybe just being a little creepy or something I guess... I'm also concerned it might put strain on our relationship. Help?

What feels like you're being creepy? Also, when you say "it" might put a strain on your relationship, what do you mean? Your feelings, what you want to do about them, or...?

My feelings might put strain on me and her if she ends up saying no to dating. Also, because we were friends for so long and I recently started having sexual and romantic feelings for her I'm concerned some may think I've had them and just started to admit it because I'm desperate or something.

Hey KittPink,

Hope it's okay that I'm jumping in. A few questions:

Are you wanting to bring these feelings up with her? And what is your thinking behind your answer? (Meaning what has made you decide to bring them up with her or to not bring them up with her.)

When you think about the possibility of dating does her asexuality and your pansexuality feel doable?

I want to bring up these feelings because well, she is a very sweet gal, and I honestly think I might fit with her better than the other crushes I've had recently. Also, I think our closeness might be the reason I have feelings in the first place. The sexuality thing may become an issue at some point, she's patient though, so I'm pretty sure we could figure something out.

Would you like to use the space here to brainstorm how you want to go about telling her your feelings for her?

Well, I kinda already told her very akwardly, we're still friends but she just doesn't feel the same way.

Go you for taking that risk! I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out how you were hoping. Are you feeling okay with remaining friends?

Yeah, at the most I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Totally understandable. Is there anything else you'd like help with around this situation?

Not really.