Scarleteen

So, in the U.S at least, there's this cliche of "the talk" where a parent sits down with their kid (who's usually about 11 or 12) and talks to them about sex. Which got me wondering: how many people actually get a talk like this from their parents? And what topics do those talks cover? And, if you had a talk like this with your parents, was it awkward or uncomfortable for you? What would have made it less so?

And if you didn't get "the talk," how did you learn about sex as a kid?

To get us started, my dad did in fact give me a talk around the time I was 12. And it was awkward because he and I rarely talked about anything sensitive or serious, so I wasn't used to having any type of conversation like that with him. Plus, I was unsure how he wanted me to react to what he was saying (this was a major concern to 12 year old Sam). But most of all, he had failed to check with my mom, so was unaware that she had been strategically leaving the books "It's So Amazing" and "It's Perfectly Normal" where I could find and read them, so I actually already knew the stuff he was telling me.

But I have to say that now, and a little bit then, I appreciate the fact that he was trying to do the right thing for me and talk to me about stuff that was/is important to know about.

No, I never had "the talk" as a kid. But I did learn about sex, relationships etc from my parents. It's just that it was never a taboo subject that we covered in one awkward conversation and then cast aside forever.

I don't even remember when I learned about sex. I remember knowing when I was fairly young (certainly much younger than 11 or 12) and I don't remember ever wondering where babies come from, simply knowing. Though, come to think of it, I do remember being little and wondering why I could hear my parents jumping on the bed. :/ so clearly I haven't known forever.

My parents talked to us about sex in much the same way as they talked to us about anything else, casually, during whatever we were doing and like it was no big deal.

As I got older these occasional mini-conversations became more awkward, but mostly I think this was influenced by the societal expectation that talking to your parents about sex is a big deal.

I also never had "the talk" with my parents. My parents made it clear that my brother and I could talk to them about anything whenever we wanted to, we just never took them up on it (partly because when personal and sensitive topics did come up, my parents tended to be pretty unsure and rarely found the right words). My mother did give me a book for Christmas when I was 12 or 13, about puberty and sex and Becoming a Woman. I remember finding that very helpful and having it by my bedside for a year or two. At the time I got the book, I already knew about sex, at least vaguely, but I don't remember exactly when and how I learned about sex. I imagine I got most of it from teen mags, television and my friends.

I never had an official Talk about sex with my parents, but interestingly enough, my brother, who's two years older than me, did. He told me when he was maybe 10 or 11 that our dad had talked to him about sex. I assumed that he or my mom would have that conversation with me too, when I reached the age my brother had been, but for some reason they never did. I'm not sure why that happened; I hit puberty and was interested in dating fairly early, and I had some conflict with them around them thinking I was too young to date, but sex and sexual health never came up in those discussions, which were sometimes more like arguments.