Scarleteen

I'm a rape and sexual abuse survivor. It hurts me every day in ways I don't even realize half the time. I can't get super close to people. Physical contact makes me feel sick, and don't even get me started on sex. I have a hard time showing my emotions too. I just never want to show my whole self to anyone again. I still consider myself kind and friendly to my friends and family, and I'm always willing to help them through things, but I can't connect to them on the same level their other loved ones can, and I feel jealous, but I can't really change how guarded I am. I was raped by a stranger when I was 8, so even walking around in broad daylight triggers some paranoia. I feel so closed in, but when I try to change it, it just makes things worse. I just get hurt again. How can I learn to be content with my good, although distant and somewhat artificial relationships with people in my life? It hurts to be so alone, but I can't seem to train my brain to fully trust again.

Hi whitelucent,

Is the therapist you're seeing someone who specializes in working with survivors? I ask because some of what you're looking to do is going to be best accomplished in therapy, but you'll need someone who understands how to work with the trauma that comes from a sexual assault. And when you say your attempts to change things seem to make the situation worse, would it be possible to give me an example?

As an aside, would you be alright with me condensing this thread and your other thread? It seems like the issues in them are interlinked, so it would be helpful for us to put them together into one thread.