Scarleteen

So I've posts about this subject before, it just got more complicated. So I have a boyfriend. He is amazing. I love him, but there is this girl that i really like. I just found out she likes me too. She was really nice about it, not trying to pressure me into breaking up with my boyfriend. I do but don't want to go out with her. I do because god damn is she awesome. I don't because I will break my boyfriends heart. I feel like I should talk to my boyfriend about it. I'm going to a theme park with a friend and the girl on Tuesday and I'm not sure what to do. I'm happy but upset at the same time. Any advice?

Hi there Confused_Pan,

It seems like based on your previous conversation, you've thought about talking to your boyfriend about your feelings for this other girl. What has come up for you when you have thought about it? When you say, "it would break his heart", is there something that he's said to give you that impression?

I know it's difficult to be pulled two ways (towards being in a comfortable relationship with someone you care about vs. towards someone who is exciting and that you have intense feelings for). In situations like this I've often thought to myself, How would I feel if it were me? And what I usually come up with is that while it might be hard to hear initially that my partner is thinking about opening up our relationship or has feelings for someone else, I would also care about my partner and want them to be happy rather than feeling conflicted and trying to hide it (which, usually ends up failing, because that tension seeps into the relationship).

Do you feel like you need to have that conversation before this outing on Tuesday? Are you feeling concerned about spending time with her on that day?

Also I wanted to reiterate that the fact that you're experiencing attraction or feelings to multiple people is not wrong or bad, it doesn't make you selfish or anything like that. All you can do is be true to your own feelings and self!

I've decided to not talk to him about it since it would make things awkward between us and the girl and my boyfriend. I know if I broke up with him it would break his heart because I know he loves me very much. I'm not sure how I feel about spending time with her. I don't want it to be awkward and I'm hoping it's not.

I think the only way to know if spending time with her would be awkward or not would be to give it a try and see how it goes.
Just as a note about not wanting to break your boyfriend's heart: of course it's good to want to avoid causing pain or distress to someone you care about. But if you do get to a point where you aren't interested in dating him anymore, or would like to transition your relationship to something different, it's ok to do that even if you know he would be upset. Staying in a relationship out of fear that you'll hurt your partner isn't likely to be good for either of you, in the long run.

Only advice is that only you can know the answer on this question