Scarleteen

So i have been thinking I'm transgender for so long. But my mom says I'm not. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 1 month secretly. My parents aren't religious or anything, so i doubt they would be mean about it, but Im just too scared. but for now all my mom knows is I don't plan on getting married to a boy. She hasn't taken any of my hints that I'm transgender or lesbian. HELP?

Hi there Aphmau_Aaron, and welcome to Scarleteen.

I'm sorry that your mom doesn't believe that you're transgender. Sometimes when people come out to their parents and the parents don't believe them, it's because their parents have an incorrect or incomplete understanding of what it means to be transgender (or lesbian, etc.), and sometimes it's because they have their own transphobic or homophobic views and don't want to deal with the idea that their child might be trans. No matter the reason, it's a frustrating and stressful situation to deal with and I'm sorry it's something you're facing right now.

Ultimately, though, it's not up to her to determine if you're transgender or not - you're going to be the best authority on your own feelings and identity. It sounds like hinting isn't working, so if you feel comfortable you might want to bring this up directly. One thing that might be helpful is to point her towards resources for parents/families of trans folks, so that she can get some education and support in a place that isn't you - you shouldn't need to do all of that emotional work yourself! Pflag chapters can be a good resource for parents, and they have a pdf about trans issues here: https://www.pflag.org/ourtranslovedones You may want to read through it to make sure it feels like it aligns with how you're feeling and how you'd like your mom to react but that could be something to ask her to read, if you want to talk to her about this more directly.

Do you need any help figuring out how to start this conversation? How have previous talks about your gender gone?