Scarleteen

Hello.
My friend and crush passed away from suicide its been years since. We connected instantly and I thought we would have each other's children. What are ways that I can get over this ? I am in a new relationship and I feel it is affecting it.. the person I'm with can't compare to my friend who has passed

Hi, Frustrated,

First of all, I'm so sorry you lost your friend to suicide. Losing a friend is extremely difficult, but there's always a different layer added when you lose someone to suicide. If you need someone to talk to, you can always call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 - you don't have to be suicidal to call, if you're feeling under any kind of duress or just want to talk to someone, they're available 24/7.

As for your new relationship, how soon did you start it after your crush passed? It may be harder for you to move into another relationship since you are still thinking of your crush. I don't want to discourage you from dating and obviously it's your choice, but maybe it would be best not to date, at least right now, until you feel like you are ready. Self-care is extremely important, and suicide is always a different situation than a more natural passing. Take as much time as you need to help you move on, whether it's speaking to a counselor (or someone else you trust) or anything else you need.

At the time he passed I was also suicidal/depressed I was dating someone else (exboyfriend now) and it definitely affected our relationship I since broke up with him and started dating someone new a month later... I don't know why I put new relationship because it has been over two years since we have been dating.. the messed up thing is he reminds me of my friend who passed, quite a bit ... But the connection is not the same. It's hard not to miss him all the time I often wonder why it wasn't me instead of him, because at the time I was very close to doing the same thing. .. I've attempted to talk to friends about this but no one seems to want to talk about it with me it makes them awkward/uncomfortable . I also have brought this up with my boyfriend but he is the same/doesn't know what to say. I did go to a counselor and honestly I could tell it was just a job to her .. anyways I find I keep trying to open up and people keep shutting me down.

Scarleteen is a space we try to keep as safe as possible for everyone, so I've edited your post with that in mind. -Karyn

It sounds like you're going through a lot. I can definitely relate to the suicidal ideation. You say you have them under control - do you have any measures you take in case you feel suicidal again? I'm just checking to see if you feel safe, which it sounds like you are, but I just want to check in with you.

As for opening up to people, unfortunately a lot of people don't know much about mental health and/or end up believing myths. Some people feel uncomfortable about mental health issues, especially suicide, since it's been taboo for so many years despite the fact that 1/4 of at least the US population has a mental illness. Of course people can be educated and some decide not to and just are rude/dismissive of your problems, but I can promise you there are others out there who aren't like that and willing to listen. You found us here.

I'm sorry you've had bad experiences with counselors. I can relate - like every profession, there are definitely some people who shouldn't be counselors. You might have to keep digging to find someone you feel comfortable with, if you're willing to continue. I've seen at least 3 and I'm coming up on 4 and I think it does take some time to find someone who's a good fit for you. We can help here and you can definitely talk with us, but we don't have the kind of expertise of a professional. That's just something to consider though by no means am I trying to stop you from coming here; if talking to us helps

thewrit3r has given you some great advice, but I want to add that if you are continuing to have suicidal ideation, the first thing to do is contact a mental health hotline (in addition to the one thewrit3r suggested we have a list here: http://www.scarleteen.com/anxiety_and_o ... _resources) or if necessary go to the emergency room of your nearest hospital. We are not equipped to help anyone with suicidal or self-harm urges.

What we can do however is help you locate some counselling or therapy in your area. Not every counsellor is a good fit for every person, and sometimes it takes a few tries to get someone you click with. If that's something you want help with, just let us know.