Saying no to the wrong relationship when Im lonely and afraid of hurting the other person

[iluaf]

Im a recent grad stepping into the adult world for the first time. I'm also a fresh out of the closet lesbian who made my first lesbian friend at work. our friendship quickly stepped over the usual boundaries of a professional friendship between coworkers. Ive never had a friend that i could talk to openly about sex and relationships, so that has been nice. But lately i have been getting the feeling that she likes me as more than a friend, and i dont feel that way at all, as some things she has said has given me a bad gut feeling as far a romantic possibilities between us go.

But part of me feels like us dating is something inevitable, with us both being gay, and working in the same place. And I'll admit it, she's attractive and I'm lonely.

Logically, I know that I get to chose my relationships regardless of my sexuality and set my own boundries. And that getting into a relationship I know isnt the right fit just because im lonely is a bad idea. But i dont know how to go about setting those boundries without hurting someone who i consider a friend and causing problems between myself and a coworker. I could really use some advice on this situation.

[Lyssa]

Hi iluaf!

It sounds like you are really in tune with what you feel and what you need and do not need right now in a relationship- it is so awesome that you are so self-aware! It also sounds like-correct me if I'm wrong- that you do want to set boundaries with your friend on keeping your relationship platonic and only a friendship.

I'm wondering why you think or feel setting boundaries with your friend would cause problems? Have you tried to do so before and it didn't go so well or didn't go the way you hoped it would?