Scarleteen

Ok, so I'm 16 years old and, even though I did masturbate, I have never fingered myself. My bf tried to do it about 2 months ago but it hurt me too much. Since then I've been trying to do it myself. I get myself very wet insert a finger in (only one, two would be torture). I struggle a bit to get it in due to an extremely tight, almost blocked entry to my vagina. Once I get it in, I don't feel that the inside is too tight but it still hurts at the entry especially if I move my finger left or right, also the walls of my vagina feel pretty hard and stiff. I can insert a finger, sometimes even two, but it just hurts so I don't really get anything from it. Is it normal for a virgin or do I have to worry about infections, conditions such as vaginismus etc. Please answer because I can't tell my parents the reason I want to go to the genealogist yet, at least for 2 years.

Hi Lollipop,

The two most common reasons for painful insertion are being tense and not having enough lube (even if you're aroused and wet, you often need to add even more lube). You can read more about the reasons for painful insertion here and see if any of them apply to your situation: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

When you're trying to insert your fingers, are you aroused mentally as well as physically?

Thank you for a really fast reply and a great article. And yes, I do feel aroused mentally too, especially with my boyfriend. I actually agree it's all probably about lubrication and tension. Do you have any advice about that?

You're welcome! With lubrication, you'll want to get some store-bought lube if you don't already have some. When it comes to relieving tension, that depends what helps you relax. It could be something like taking a bath or reading something that arouses you, or if you're with a partner having them massage you or touch you in a way that helps you release tension. Too, sometimes tension is coming from the worries you have about being sexual, be that worries about your body or worries about the risks of the activity you're doing. So it's worth taking a little bit of time to make sure you're completely comfortable with whatever sexual activity you're engaging in.

Okay, I'll try to listen to your advice and I honestly hope it'll help. Thanks a lot!

I also want to add that this isn't ever something you HAVE to do: no one is required to have any kind of sex -- including masturbation -- that they just aren't into; that doesn't feel good. No one with vagina has to have any kind of sex that involves anything or everything inside the vagina: if and when people do, it's supposed to be because that's something they want because that's something they like. And not everyone is into sexual activities that involve something (or all the somethings, like some people enjoy a finger but not a penis, or vice-versa) inside the vagina.

I don't hear you saying you're trying any of this because it feels good so you want to or want more. If that's not why you're doing any of this, why do it? Why not instead just stick to what DOES feel good so far and explore whatever that is some more?