Scarleteen

Hi again.

This question is actually about a friend.

I have this friend I met in college about a month and a half ago. We have class twice a week together, have hung out a few times, run in some of the same circles, and text every so often. I would not say we are close friends, but I feel we are heading in that direction. Today she told me that she (cis female) broke up with her boyfriend of about a month (who I met for like 2 minutes). She casually said that she did so (in part) because she is questioning her sexuality. Now, she is totally an ally to the LGBT community, as am I. We are both members of the college LGBTA club, and run in the same circle of queer/trans/lesbian/gender-queer friends. So, if she is questioning, I am pretty sure she would feel pretty comfortable about it and about talking about it. However, my question is: How can I be of help? How can I support her without make a big issue about something that may not actually be an issue? Im pretty sure I should let her bring it up and not press the issue myself. I know the regular 'protocol' with questioning friends, but I'm wondering if it may be different because she is a queer-positive, feminist, LGBT ally? I think, since she is one, and since I am too, it might be easier?

Any advice is SUPER appreciated.

Thanks,

Genie

P.S I don't know how to delete a post, but I realized after I posted this that this should be in the Sexuality Identity topic, not this topic. Whoops!

I think you're right that it sounds like you're both in an environment where questioning one's sexuality, or indeed coming out, would hopefuilly be a pretty low-stress experience. Certainly she's not in a position where she has to be afraid of the people around her, and where ferretting out an ally or someone she can talk to will be a big, risky task. So, bearing that in mind - I would go for the direct approach (you can tell I read too much Captain Awkward), of just saying to her at some point that you remember she said she was thinking about her sexuality, and that if she needs any support or advice, or a listening ear, she should give you a call, and then leave it at that. Ultimately... she'll figure it out on her own timeline, in her own way, and hooray for her being in a situation where she feels safe doing that; she might decide that she doesn't need any help, but I think she'll certainly appreciate you making the offer.