Anxiety

[Allybannsiders]

Had a potential risk (wasn't really a risk just something my mind won't let go, wasn't intercourse or ejaculation involved) 12 days ago, three days after the risk I had my withdrawal bleed which was normal and lasted the usual 5 days since then I've taken 6 HPT which are all negative but I just can't shake this feeling, I've been reading the "your not pregnant why do you think you are" post over and over again but this still won't leave. There's no way there could be a risk now after a period and 6 negatives surely?

[Sam W]

When you read the "you're not pregnant why do you think you are" article, what sections feel like they apply to you the most?

[Allybannsiders]

I keep feeling like its the genitals to genitals bit but I know it can't be because he had his jeans on and they were unbuttoned but there's still no way even though I wasn't wearing underwear

I'm even having a breast pain atm which is making it hard to tell myself no you're not pregnant

[Sam W]

I may not have been entirely clear, I was asking which of the reasons for the anxiety listed in that article feel like they apply to you. If you can identify one or two possible underlying causes that gives us something to work with, as opposed to reassurance seeking, which is something we've made our limits clear around.

[Allybannsiders]

Really it's just a general freak out because
1. This is my first sexual relationship
2. I really do not want kids
3. My family would literally disown me if I got pregnant

[Sam W]

Okay, so a sound next step would be to only engage in sexual activities that you're 100% comfortable with the risks (if there are any risks) involved. Do you feel like setting those new boundaries with your partner is something you're able to do, or would you like some tools to help you do it?

[Allybannsiders]

We've already set the boundaries of no sex (intercourse) or direct contact because I panic too much for the rest of the much.

But i panic either way

If a risk is 3 days before the withdrawal bleed and it happens normally when it should and for how long as it should last then there shouldn't be a risk right?

[Jacob]

Hi Ally,

As Sam said we don't engage in that reassurance seeking behaviour stuff.

But this is stuff we can totally talk about:

Really it's just a general freak out because
1. This is my first sexual relationship
2. I really do not want kids
3. My family would literally disown me if I got pregnant

We've already set the boundaries of no sex (intercourse) or direct contact because I panic too much for the rest of the much.

But i panic either way

It sounds like you already have taken a bit of control and have stepped back from the activities that feel the most stressful... is that correct? That the panic when you don't do those things is still there but it's less?

I think it'd also be helpful for me to ask you what positive things you do get from intimacy with your partner... and how you feel about that? And also if your family are a major source of stress/judgement... how do you think that affects the way you feel about your sex life?

I ask all this because if we are feeling guilt/shame/anxiety around sex, it can be something that is influenced by our surroundings but it also means that even when we are safe or enjoy something we could struggle to accept it and figure something must be wrong.

Do you think that could be a peice of the puzzle for you?