Scarleteen

Heya, I’m 18, I’ve been dating a guy, 21, he’s the love of my life, we haven’t yet done anything sexual but wouldn’t be the first time for either of us. He is the kindest sweetest man, he simply wants to hold me and is so tender and loving. However, he is in the army and is about to be deployed. I have had a series of abusive relationships and I really want to tell him I love him, but I’m irrationally afraid of the consequences, any idea how to get over my past and tell him before he leaves?
Thanks
T

Hi Ahoenabeena and welcome to Scarleteen,

It can certainly feel intimidating to tell someone you love them for the first time, even if you're fairly certain they'll take it well. Can I ask what consequences you're afraid of, rational or otherwise?

I'm so sorry your previous partners were abusive. It sounds like you're experiencing first hand how abuse can instill certain fears into your brain that stay there even when you're with a partner who isn't abusive. Have you ever worked with someone like a therapist to help you heal from what happened?

Hey, thanks for your reply. A lot of the abuse started after I told them I loved them because they felt that they could manipulate me and blackmail me with that. It was mainly emotional, about my weight etc and I have spoken to people about it. It just scares me that something could happen when he’s on tour and if I hadn’t told him how I feel, I may never be able to.
Thanks
T

Gracious, no wonder you're feeling nervous about telling him. That was such an awful thing for your previous partners to do when you told them you loved them. I'm glad you've support around recovering from that.

With your boyfriend, would you be comfortable with telling him more or less what you've told us here? That you love him and you want him to know that before he leaves for somewhere potentially dangerous.

I told him today! Thank you so much for your support, it really means a lot, he leaves for Brize in the morning, he’s a Para so is constantly put in dangerous situations and I feel great that I have told him and to know that he feels exactly the same way!
Thanks
T

You're welcome, and I'm glad it went well!