Scarleteen

Hello, my name is Adam, and I am fifteen years of age. Something important you might need to know before reading the rest of this, is that I am in my high school band. That means putting in endless hours of marching practice on a hot, humid asphalt parking lot, anyway, that's where this all kind of begins. Since July 17th, I've been so insanely obsessed with this gorgeous blond boy named Kyler. He is everything I've ever wanted. Every tiny detail and feature is perfect. He is funny, smart, Christian, and bisexual. On top of all of that, he is short, blond, like, super blond, and he has these super dark eyebrows that compliment his hair perfectly. His eyes are gorgeously hazel-green, and he has the cutest little nose in the world. Anyway, enough of my ranting (though I could go on and on forever), I have liked this boy since the first day I saw him. It took months, but I spoke to him at the annual band lock-in. Him and I have this friend that we've both been friends with for years and had no idea. The only reason I actually managed to talk to him is because I'm friends with pretty much all of the alto saxophones (his section) I ended up talking to him through one of them. Here's where the problem starts: I can't get over him, I know, shocker. But by that, I mean that there is never a time where I'm not thinking about him. Yes, I'm thinking about his cute butt while writing this. My grades have been dropping, I can't sleep, I don't even know what to do. I've tried so hard to stop thinking about him for at least a night. This has been going on for months, all the way up until the one day I decided to try to talk to him myself. I mentioned that common friend that we have, and the way he was looking at me was like he was thinking, "ugh, I don't want to talk to you, go away". He looked so uninterested in me, and all I was trying to do was spark conversation. I haven't been able to bring myself to talk to him since, that was about two months ago. I know I'm going to sound like a fifteen year old saying this, but I've never felt this way about a boy. Ever. I know that he is a Star Wars fanatic, and he likes soccer, but that's about it. I've tried talking to friends about the new Star Wars trailer while he is in the room to get him more interested in me, but he still just doesn't make eye contact with me. He is a shy kid, and he doesn't really talk to very many people. He's a cute little nerd! I just don't know what else to do. The problem is that I don't know if he truly doesn't like me, or was just being his socially awkward self. If anybody is here reading, please help me. I no longer know what to do, and I just want him in my life.

Hi Fullmetal and welcome to Scarleteen,

It sounds like your next step is to try and talk to him again. That might feel a little intimidating given how strong your feelings are right now, but it's the only way to know if he's interested in getting to know you better. Do you feel like you know how to have (or start) that conversation, or is that something you'd like help around?

Since it sounds like you're crushing pretty hard on him, I'm also going to give you this article in case any of the advice in it is helpful to you: Puppy Love: The Do's & Don'ts of Crushes (With Help from a Very Small Dog)

I don't really know how to spark up the conversation, my only fear of speaking to him now is that he's going to make that same face he did last time. He looked so incredibly uninterested in the conversation or me or anything. I just don't know if I can handle that.

It's totally understandable that talking to him would make you nervous if you felt like last time he wasn't interested. But the way I think of asking someone out, or asking if they want to get to know you better, is that it's like taking off a band-aid: doing it the quick, direct way might hurt, but any pain that happens is brief. Drawing out the process and trying to puzzle out his movements and facial expressions keeps you in suspense and can make you super anxious while never getting you any closer to the information you need.

It may also help to think about what you want from having another conversation with him. Are you trying to get to know him better and let him get to know you? Or are you looking to ask him out right away?

Definitely not ask him out right away, but as the person having a crush on him, already know tons about him. The main thing is that I want him to get to know me.

Got it. What if you asked him if he wanted to hang out during school hours (like at lunch) to see how you two get along? That would be a very low-stakes situation, which could make it less nerve-wracking.

Unfortunately, we don't have any classes together. He has the lunch period right after mine. The only time I really get to see him are after and before school marching rehearsals for band. He isn't in my band class period either. I've thought about asking him for his number, but I feel like that would come on way too strong. I've also thought about "accidentally" dropping my number in his band locker. I just don't know if he would get uncomfortable about that. He is a very awkward person, and I don't want to push any of his boundaries. I want him to feel comfortable around me and associate me with good things.

It's really awesome that you're being considerate of his boundaries and trying not to make him feel uncomfortable. From what you're describing it sounds like asking him out before or after school might be your best bet. Would asking if he'd like to hang out (somewhere public, like a restaurant or a coffee shop) be a comfortable place for you to start?

I don't think so, he's a shy kid and he doesn't really do things. Especially with people he doesn't know. We've only talked one on one once. We have that common friend I mentioned earlier, and her and I have a plan kind of brewing. She will, at some point, be starting to text him pretending that she has a crush on me. She's going to mention me everyday just gushing over me saying I'm sweet and attractive and all that Jazz. The goal is to be putting me in his head at least once everyday. She's going to also say things like "you two would be a cute couple." To him as well. At some point she's going to start a group chat with him and I, and I'm going to pretend like I don't know what she's doing when in reality, she's going to tell us to talk to each other. I'm just so nervous...

Using a mutual friend to help introduce you to one another more formally and help him be comfortable is a good idea, although the way you've got it planned out now has a major probability of creating multiple misunderstandings. For instance,if she talks about how she has a crush on you and then acts like she's setting you up, the guy might end up confused as to why she's doing that or, if he is interested in you, not act on it because he doesn't want to get in the way of her crush on you. But I do think her introducing you two, and maybe talking you up to him a bit, could be a helpful way to go.

Alright. Thank you for your help Sam. You've been a big help. If something ends up going wrong or I need extra help with something, I'll reply again in this thread, will that work?

You're welcome! And yes, replying to this thread is a great way to continue the conversation if you need to.