Scarleteen

Just warning you, I'm gonna be very detailed about this story so it's long! Hope you don't mind

I have a friend. We've been friends for a bit but we got close over the summer. There's also a mutual link, who is my ex. My ex and my friend were close before I became friends with him. Things happened, and now they aren't anymore (my friend doesn't like my ex but he still thinks they're friends). I talked to my friend a lot about him because we both don't like him. We made him a joke between us. One day, he told my ex that him and I are dating, as a joke. We're still "dating" and my ex still believes it. This is basically how everything starts.

We got close over the summer so we hang out a lot now at school. Everyone "ships" us together, asks if we're dating, if we like each other, etc. We have tons of inside jokes. He's met my parents (they think we like each other too.), we go to church together sometimes, and we match all the time. We matched for Halloween. He even asked me to homecoming (for fun, which he got tons of people in on) and we matched there too. Sometimes I catch him randomly looking at me which is a little sus. We make jokes as if we're dating. We don't confirm if people ask if we are. We post pictures with each other a lot on Instagram and on our stories and stuff. We always walk each other to our bus after school. All of my friends who know we aren't really dating always tell me "Just date already!" or "You guys will date in the future!" "Ya'll are totally flirting!" (Which I don't think it is)

Recently these comments and all of this stuff have been getting into my head and I think I'm catching feelings for him. But I don't want this! First of all, I don't even think he likes me as more than a friend. He was in a relationship a while back which ended tragically and he says he'll "Never love again". Yes, there's everything I mentioned in the paragraph above but I don't think it means anything to him. That's just the kind of person he is. He has a lot of friends. Even though we're closer, so some things are different, but I would think he does this stuff all the time with other people. I just don't feel like its special to ME, you know? Next, he knows a lot about my relationship with Ethan. I'm sure he wouldn't want a relationship with me after hearing about the stuff that happened there, if you know what I mean. Also, we're in the same friend group. That would be just a big mess if we ever dated and broke up.

So, how can I prevent these growing feelings? How can I get them to stop before it's too late? For me, when I have a crush, I crush hard. I really don't want that to happen here because I know I'll gain nothing from it but heartache. If it matters, I'm 17, he's 16 and we're both juniors in high school.

Thank you for your help,
Cece <3

Hi Cece,

There are a few different options here, and the one that works best for you is going to depend on which parts of the situation are most important to you. You could lean into your feelings for him and ask him if he wants to trying dating for real, although that could put the overall friendship in jeopardy (and it sounds like, if nothing else, the friendship you have is important to both of you). Or, you could acknowledge the crush feelings are there, but decide that you don't plan on acting on them. When a crush thought pops into your head, you can note it and then let it go. If you're really trying to get the crush feelings to go away as soon as possible, you'll need to ask your friends to stop shipping the two of you, and also talk to him about stopping the "we're dating" running joke.

You could also have a version of the relationship status talk with him to see how he's feeling. We tend to think of talks like that as only being for couples, but friends can have them as well. Does that feel doable to you?

It's a very good idea but personally, I wouldn't know how to start a conversation like that, you know? Also, yes, I do value our friendship and I don't wanna ruin it over this. Also, I'm like 99.99999% sure he doesn't even have any kind of feelings for me anyway so I don't want to act on them or anything, so there's that too. Since I asked this a week ago I think things have gotten a tiny bit better but I don't know. For example, since we are pretty close we talk a lot but when we talk it doesn't feel any different if you know what I mean. Like I don't feel any "more than friends" vibes. I mean sometimes I do which is why I felt this way in the first place but I realized he irritates and annoys me more (in a friendly way. Not seriously seriously) so I think having this little ting is a waste of time. As for the dating joke, he "broke up" with me for another fake relationship with a guy friend! So as of now that is done for. I know it's all jokes though so I don't take it seriously. But yeah, I hope this is more of just a little phase type of thing. And I hope all of this makes sense... I feel like I'm just rambling about random things.

Yep, it makes sense! It sounds like your crush is fading out naturally, so all you may have to do is let the remaining feelings run their course (without any intention of acting on them) until it goes away. Does that sound like a plan?