Scarleteen

I have an over weight partner (140kg) and we can’t have sex. I have tried being in top but it hurts to straddle him. We tried doggy style but that doesn’t work either . He isn’t very big. When he was 20kg lighter we managed to have sex one time after that he put in weight. We have tried few other ways with no luck. Yes there has been oral and hand jobs but I don’t think that’s satisfying all the time. Any suggestions appreciated

Hi Appi!

Welcome to Scarleteen! Sorry to hear you're having trouble getting your bodies to fit together the way you want to and that this might be coming between you.

I don't know how your partner feels about his body but to me using terms like 'over' weight implies that there is a smaller weight which he 'should' be. This isn't super fair. All our bodies vary and one of the biggest problems many of us face is coming to accept our bodies. "He has a bigger belly than I'm used to" can be more acurate but also makes clear that sex is about how both of your bodies interract, not something that is wrong with him. When our body confidence is taking a hit, partnered sex can be more difficult. I don't know if this is affecting you two but I'd totally recommend looking into the emotional side first!

When it comes to the physical stuff. I think some of the most helpful solutions are things like using firm cushions to prop up our hips or other body parts which are more difficult to get to. Another thing is that when common sex positions are depicted in media, they are regularly demonstrated by people of with slim and muscular body types... they might require us to hold our body weight up which might not be realistic, or stretch in ways we can't, whereas using furniture, or straps to do the work of holding your body weight can make those positions more accessible again.

This sounds like a lot of information but also something as simple as a big cushion under someone's butt, or a yoga strap could make all your dreams come true.

I hope this helps!