Talking About Birth Controll with my Mom

[Sen♀]

So I(15yrs old) have been dating my boyfriend(16yrs old) for a year and a half now after being friends for 2 years, and things have been great sexualy and non sexualy. We have done oral and manual before but lately we have been getting extremely comfortable and have 'planned' on having sex for the first time (I am a virgin, he is not) some time around our 2 year anniversary if the mood is right and we both feel comfortable. (I'll be 16 then and he will be 17) I believe sex is very special and not to be taken lightly; I want to lose it to him because he is the absolute love of my life and the most respectful gentle man I've ever experienced. However, my mom recently has been sceptical of our relationship ever since, about 5 months ago she found a hickey on my neck. Ever since she saw that she has made me feel horrible about myself, almost telling me im some kind of 'whore' although lately she has been getting better about it. This shocked me because she has always been very sex positive and even told me if I needed birth controll to tell her, until she got with her latest boyfriend; her attitude about sex and me has completely changed after getting with him and now I worry she won't let me see my boyfriend and might completely flip out if I ask her for birth controll. I need help in how I should ask or even if I should even attempt to ask her for it. I am deathly scared of getting pregnant, even if my boyfriend uses condoms, (which we have bought to practice putting on) and my mom does not really know about my sex life because im so private. She likes my boyfriend to some degree and thinks hes a good guy, but even so im worried about her response. Please, please help me with what I should do. I'm not going to have sex without using birth controll and condoms. Plus I like the added bonus of help with acen and cramps.

[Sam W]

Hi Sen,

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling like your mom may not be as open to helping you (or even talking to you in a kind, honest way) on this issue than she may have been in the past. If you came at the request from the angle of wanting to manage things like cramps, do you think she'd respond well to that?

Too, if you want to lower your risk of pregnancy as much as possible, a good option to explore would be the implant or the IUD (and we can happily give you more information on those methods, or any other options you want to learn about). Some people explain wanting one of those two options to their parents as being about preparation for the future (since the IUD and Implant last for several years). Do you think that's a reason for birth control that your mom would respond to positively?

[Sen♀]

Thanks for writing back!

Sadly, my mom has totally rejected the entire idea of birth control for me even with a iud or implant. Also, yes I have seen and researched lots about those methods and think that the implant would be best for me, even over the pill, but in the past my mom told me that those methods were too expensive and too mature for my age... I have definitely thought about bringing it up as though it is just menstrual pain issues I read a couple articles and they all said that your mom will be suspicious even if its for those reasons.

[Alice O]

Hey Sen,

I too am sorry to hear that your mom hasn't been supportive of you in regards to birth control. I am assuming the location you have listed is your zip code. If so, this is a great resource in regards to what rights you have as a teen in the state of California: https://sexetc.org/states/california. As it says, you have the right to get birth control without parental consent. Is that something that you would be interested in and feel comfortable with?

In regards to the IUD and implant, there is some misinformation out there about them not being appropriate for certain ages, but that is not correct. They are both very effective at preventing pregnancy and fine for a younger person to get, as long as it is the right fit for that specific person!