He can't get hard for me, is it ok to get with someone else?

[162capricorn]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 9 months now and for the past month we haven't been able to have sex. He claims it is from stress, yet he's able to get hard for other girls while masturbating. It honestly so embarrassing and he makes me feel so insecure. I used to be so confident, but now I find myself getting jealous easy and always comparing myself to other girls. Also, he's all over other girls. When i confronted him about it i was hoping he would say "i would never do that to you its not true" but instead he said "sorry, it used to be really bad but I have improved". I feel like if i was enough for him he wouldn't feel the need to masturbate and be all over other girls. I am so respectful and faithful to him and it hurts me so much that it isn't reciprocated. And, finally, I'm no where near a priority in his life. For the past few days we have been so off and on, right now we are off. I decided to hit up my forever crush and we are hanging out this weekend. Is it a bad idea to get with him since my boyfriend and I haven't established any rules to our break? My intentions are not to get "revenge" because I do not want to hurt him/for him to know. However, I think there is a part of me that is doing this to get even in my own mind. I want to know if it is a good idea to get with this guy if I run the risk of loosing my boyfriend who I love so much? But he is so awful to me and makes me so sad all the time. Im just so sexually frustrated and I need an outlet. I have listed pros and cons and I'm not sure which outweighs which. I love him, but he hurts me. I do not see a future with this new guy at all, it would just be a hookup. I want to see what my life would look like without him on this break. However, to get over my past boyfriend, I went and hooked up with as many people as possible, and that made me feel worse. My final question is, do I get back with him? Do i hookup with this new guy since I'm sexually frustrated? Help!

[Heather]

I can add more tomorrow, but first I am wondering how you feel about "neither" as an answer. Setting these two things up as your only choices strikes me as a pretty lousy, and wholly unnecessary, setup you're making for yourself here.

In other words, what to you think about not seeking out sex with someone else until you take some time for yourself and figure out if you do or don't want to stay in your current relationship? If you don't - if you just feel done and like it's no good, which is how it sounds to me you're feeling, even though you're very sad about this not going as you'd have liked - why not get all the way out and shut that door, and THEN pursue other sexual interactions or relationships if that's still what you want?

Why make a choice that a) keeps you passive in this current relationship and b) sets you up to create more conflict and drama and probably leaves you feeling even lousier about yourself, when what you really want is to stop feeling so lousy about yourself? Why not consider some other, and better, if you ask me, alternatives?