Scarleteen

So, I am 21 years old, genderqueer, use they/them pronouns, and as will soon be evident, i have a vagina.

So, I was recently studying abroad in China and just got back about 10 days ago. My boyfriend (he's cis) and I have had sex 3 times since I came home, 4 times if you include one time back in August when we hadn't seen each other in 3 months again because we live far away from each other when we're not both at school.

So in those 3 times, I have been in a lot of pain, especially in the beginning. and this is even after I've come a few times via clit stuff, so stuff should be pretty lubricated and the like. After awhile, it subsides, but sex is still kind of uncomfortable and honestly the only reason I don't stop it is because my boyfriend really loves it and I'm okay with a little pain if it makes him happy, but he is aware of the pain and does his best to avoid it bless him. see, i've been sexually active for 3 years now. I know sex shouldn't hurt like this. When we last had sex, I bled a TON and I don't really know why? Is it because I went from a really active sex life to not really having one and I'm rushing? Did something happen while I was gone? Did I hurt my vagina somehow? Do I have vaginismus? Anyone have any idea what is wrong with me? If you have any questions feel free to ask

also, to clarify, we used on condoms/male condoms 2 out of those 3 times, and I'm on the pill, if that's any help.

Hi sunhongfeng,

Ouch, this sounds like a really unpleasant pattern to have enter into your sex life. We can't say for certain what might be causing, but we may be able to help you eliminate some potential causes. The two most common culprits of painful sex are a lack of lube or being tense/not totally aroused, but from what you're saying it sounds like you're pretty turned-on prior to vaginal sex. Have you experimented with adding in more lube? If not, that's something you could try to see it it makes a difference (even when you're really aroused, adding in more lube can help make things more comfortable). Too, if you've orgasmed shortly before having vaginal sex your genitals may feel kind of tender or sore, which could lead to pain. You may also want to take a look at this article to see if any of the suggestions in it feel like they apply to your situation: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

I would also recommend that you check-in with a sexual healthcare provider, especially if you haven't had a sexual wellness check in a while. Doing so can help you eliminate some possible causes of the pain, and hopefully help you identify what might be causing it. Do you know how to access a local sexual health provider?