Scarleteen

Hello. I am a 25 year old female, in my first real relationship since I was 15. Having a real adult relationship is new to me, and there is so much for me to learn. My boyfriend is 28, and has had several girlfriends and 2 sexual partners in the past. We are gradually exploring my sexual side, and he has been great being patient and is willing to learn more about me, all while I'm learning about myself. He had expressed wanting to go down on me, which I agreed to. We are not yet having PIV sex, as I am not ready yet. He has gone down on me twice now, and this second time after being down there for awhile said, "I love sucking on your clit, it must be working because it's bigger than last time." I was totally enjoying what he was doing, but my clit is quite small, and from what I could feel he was actually sucking on my labia minora, one of which is much longer than the other. We had the lights off, so it wasnt super easy to see. I didn't say anything at the time, because I wasn't sure how to explain at the moment (I can still get a little shy talking blatantly sexual things) and I didn't want to kill the mood saying, "What are you talking about? That's not my clit!" I know he generally knows what he is doing, so I think this is more a matter of learning my personal anatomy. But how do I go about having a discussion with him, explaining that my clit is further north than he thinks it is, even if it's a little harder to find beneath the mons pubis? I don't want him to feel embarrassed either. I don't know if I should correct him, or just start with a general anatomy lesson next time and not bring up the previous time when he made a mistake. Please help me approach this subject with him with some grace.

Sure thing!

You know, I think one of the things that just goes along with being sexual with others, no matter our age or amount of previous experience, is that we are going to not know a LOT a lot of the time. People and our bodies and sexualities are just so different, that it's pretty much a given that with any new partner, when it comes to them, we're mostly learning from scratch.

So, I think it's important to recognize that at front of all conversations like this is less the grace of the person initiating them and more the humility of everyone involved, you know?

That said, I'd just, next time you're hanging out, do something like a, "Hey, I'd like to tell you a few things about my body for the next time we get sexual." Then, you either talk then or at another time, like maybe if you brought it up on the subway. Then you can just say all these kinds of things, basically the same way you did here. And you can show him things, as needed, like where your clitoris is. When you balance out some positive info with some critique, it tends to help people feel less sensitive or worried, so if there are things you can say you have liked -- like maybe you liked having your labia sucked on, despite his false assumption about what they were, for example.

How do you feel about this telling you what we was doing was "working," rather than him figuring out what works for you by asking YOU how you are feeling? It's probably something I'd address with a partner who said that, but I don't know how you feel about it to say.